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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
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Baby Blue by Paul Knauer (pkcardinal) writing as Dominique Razon - Short, Family Comedy - A young boy plots to retrieve his stolen bike. 5 pages - pdf format
Ahoy Dominique Razon -- Haha! This was great. The escalation to an almost ludicrous story worked great methinks, making for some pretty good humor. I honestly didn't have any quibbles with this one. Luv it. Best of Irish luck! -A
A boys own adventure to rescue his bike, except it doesn’t work out that way
Good basis for a young protagonist
Someone had their bike stolen in their youth iguess.
I’m assuming the main scene was a fantasy and that the reality was the simple act of walking in and getting it
For simple readers like me it may have been worth giving the main rescue scene a clearer sense of dream/fantasy so that it didn’t take away from the end - almost give him a superhero outfit etc
Nice work
My scripts - links to be updated.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Dear Dominique, A crime, a trauma, a No Ninja required resolve, which was easier than expected. The Bully realised he had to change man - maybe his boyz hadn't dropped and he just felt different - if that was the case, after the wedgie of all wedgies he's now full Sumo (slings salt and scowls.) Loved the imagination of the what-if recovery dream. Do we all make things seem so impossible. The cool clear headed reality was much more rewarding. If Fortune cookies had films in them - this would be a great one. Best --
Cute story though I’m not sure about the ending. I thought Douglas was successful initially. Then that tag at the end kinda left me feeling confused. Either way, a story like this deserves a happy, triumphant ending. I kinda think we got one, but then again I’m not entirely sure. Either way, decent story.
Really strong opening, energetic writing, strong set-up. Then it went into zany territory and I wondered if this was actually meant to be an anime or something. I clued in that it might be a dream right before it was revealed, and wondered if maybe he just dreamed the bike was even stolen, and was glad you took it in the direction you did instead. The elaborate heist setup and dreaming it's unrealistic execution made the simple, mundane ending a nice button on it.
Very entertaining. The story could have just ended with the zany bike rescue but you went with 'it was all a dream' instead. What a boy will do with his first true love.
Cute. Lacks a romance angle, unless we're leaning into the love of a boy and his bike. Was a little lost the first pass, but it's very well written, and was worth looking back over for me. Really enjoy your writing style. Nice work!
Cute story about a boy with big "dreams" of being a super hero. Loved the set up for getting his bike back both the "dream" and the reality. Nice job writer - this one hits all the marks for the challenge!
Scripts Available: Christmas Joe (Holiday Drama) Every Time It Snows (Holiday Drama) Happy Holi-DNA (Holiday Romance) Let That Pony Run (Family Drama) With Love, From Romance (Holiday Romance) Essex (Historical Drama)
Shorts: Santuario (OWC Writers' Choice) Seven Minutes But This Ain’t Heaven (OWC Writers’ Choice) Buona Fortuna Christmas At The Piggly Wiggly ...and many more.
Thought we were witnessing mini James Bond. Nicely done. You captured the mind of a child, who envisions a difficult task and the heroics needed to accomplish it. Then the simple reality at the end. Well, that was easy. Only thing that would've made it better was the dog coming up to him and licking his face. Enjoyed.