All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Hey Alexander. I'm a newbie learning the ropes so I don't know much about anything, take what I say with a pinch of salt. I'll also leave formatting things as I'm still getting my head around that as well, although on first glance, to me at least, it looked OK.
I actually think this is a solid start, it zipped along pretty well and a breeze to read. I liked the set up with the false lead (what do they call that?), and thought you created a good image of what was going on - I was there the whole way even if the ending was maybe a little predictable.
One thing I thought was slightly off was the age of Gemma. For a 20 year-old who is pierced, wears a crude t-shirt, edgy etc, I thought the dialogue was perhaps a little naive, or juvenile for her look/age. Not a big thing for me in the scheme of things, just something I sensed.
Keep going, you've got a natural story telling ability which over time is going to serve you well.
Yeah I'm a big fan of shows like Inside No 9 and The Twilight Zone and so I think that twisted humour comes across here. Yeah maybe I could have altered Gemma's appearance slightly to better fit the dialogue. I will indeed carry on, appreciate the feedback thanks. By the way feel free to have a look at my other stories...
Pink Primate (psychological horror ) Fur and no Whiskers (dark comedy/animation)
Pages: 1
Author
Unboxing
Logged
Locked Board