i liked it. the bones are def. there. but i dont think your story needs to go longer than 6 pages. try to keep it simple. i do like the twist of the girl cliquing up with her ma's dead friends. not sure why you are naming races in the script, though, maybe that's new, this will be my first script to read in years, but you should consider what relevance it has to the story or to me caring. also i almost stopped reading at the ancestral homeland part. wtf is that? how out of place can you get? 86 that shit, unless i missed something. otherwise it's flat out weird, at least 2 me. overall, kudos. anyway, thanks for the read. |