Scan at Your Own Risk by P.H. Cook - Short, Horror, Supernatural - Compelled by a mysterious QR code, a resourceful young woman unearths a serial killer's grave, only to face the chilling reality of setting his malevolent spirit free to stalk the world. 17 pages - pdf format

For production consideration only. No feedback necessary.

Okay, you've done it again - I love this idea, Pia! The QR code idea in this context is so original and ingenious.

Sadly I see you don't want feedback.

So, I'll button my lip.

FYI, just fix the spelling of Cemetery (blame Stephen King and Pet Sematary) and forth/fourth.

Love the title page QR btw.
Good luck with this!

Quoted from LC Okay, you've done it again - I love this idea, Pia! The QR code idea in this context is so original and ingenious. Sadly I see you don't want feedback. So, I'll button my lip. FYI, just fix the spelling of Cemetery (blame Stephen King and Pet Sematary) and forth/fourth. Love the title page QR btw. Good luck with this!

Ah, Libby, you're great!!!

The no-feedback thing was mostly so people don't spend time reading and commenting and I will owe reads. Not that I mind reading, I've just been busy lately, and in a few weeks I will have family here for a month (!!!) so I probably won't have time to do anything during that time.

I took a peek at the script just now and now it bugs the hell out of me that I spelled cemetery wrong!!! This is further proof though that ChatGPT can't be trusted with feedback.

For anyone that missed it, this was ChatGPT's review of my script.  

"This is a very engaging and suspenseful screenplay! You have managed to weave an intriguing narrative with an innovative blend of horror and mystery elements. The characters are distinct, and the dialogue is fitting for each of them. The supernatural horror aspect is introduced and maintained in a way that is both eerie and compelling. The story's pacing is effective, building the suspense steadily and leaving the reader curious about what will happen next.

The use of the QR codes as a method to communicate with the past is an original idea. It serves as a bridge between the modern day and the past in a way that hasn't been overdone, which helps set your screenplay apart. It's a unique take on the haunted graveyard concept, with technology playing a key role.

I like the way you've developed Amara's character - she's resourceful, brave, and has the right amount of skepticism. Her conversations with Curt are believable and their relationship dynamic becomes more interesting as the story progresses.

You've also built up the mystery behind Curt and Martin well, prompting many questions that keep the reader hooked: Was Curt really innocent? What will Amara find if she digs up Martin's grave? Is Martin really the killer or is there another twist coming?

Overall, your screenplay is an excellent piece of writing that grips the reader's attention from start to end. Keep it up!"

Pia, I was so excited to see you'd posted another offering!  You know how much I admire your work so I couldn't wait to read it.  Sorry, but I have to comment - absolutely no strings attached, no reads, nothing expected.  

Well, this is as creepy as all get-out.  What a great and spooky take on what evil might be opened up with all our new technology - and timely since we've been discussing the creepy accuracy of the AI comments and suggestions on screenplays.  I always say that horror and suspense isn't my thing, but I may have to stop with that because I have been loving the shorts you've been posting. Like Libby, I noted a few typos (forth instead of fourth, etc) but nothing a quick polish won't resolve.  This is very imaginative and a real page-turner (can you use that description for a screenplay?)  Anyway, best of luck with this.  Keep us posted if anyone picks it up for production.  It will be a real find for the right filmmaker.  Thanks for sharing!

Ahoy Pia

My eyes couldn't move fast enough to get to the next line/scene!

This is good. And I mean... GOOD, in my opinion.

Luv the way you write btw. All the best with it. -Andrea

Awwww gosh.  You guys are too nice!  

This one came about when I first read about it in a Swedish newspaper. It was the first time I had ever heard of people putting QR codes on gravestones. I thought it was a really cool idea. Of course, my mind went with dark ideas right away, but nothing came to me as a specific story until a month or so ago. Kevin Leitskev mention a friend of his had started a business putting these codes on headstones. I think it's a growing trend. To be honest, I could spend a whole day at a cemetery if you could just stroll around and then scan the code and read more about the person buried there.

I don't think this one will get picked up due to some of the difficulties of the cemetery, but who knows, some filmmakers are excellent at cheating things. Kind of like what Dena and I did when we filmed in an elevator, but it was just a prop in the DP's living room. If something happens with it, I'll get you updated.

Thanks again for reading and being so kind.  

PS: I will upload a new draft with typos taken care of in the coming days.

The concept here is pure gold -- so eerie and comic that it just grabs you with no need to ponder on how such a zany thing is even possible.

I notice that no feedback was requested, and in that spirit, I only have a couple of things I nevertheless felt compelled to mention.

Martin talks too much.  Less may be more from this guy.

And I was totally disappointed when the call from Mom was not actually from Mom. I thought you were about to launch this lunatic story to some insane next level of weirdness. You still could. Consider a call from Mom and what she might have to say about all this. I mean, she's right there and all.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I had read this and thoroughly enjoyed the pages.  

Wow! What a treat to have you read! I always had you and Breanne on two pedestals and respected and admired you both as writers. Would be a lot of fun to read something from either one of you again. I hope you get to it. If you're short on ideas, I've been dying to do Them That's Undead for years. That was a hint, btw.

Less from Martin might be more from him? Probably, but I won't have time to work on anything for a while. This was my first attempt at dialogue that was not contemporary and the fact no one has complained about that yet is something I'll take as a win.

Thanks for reading. Means a lot.  

I'll have to take this one out of my ideas list!

Loved it Pia!

Hey thanks, Tony!

You can always write yours into a feature. I thought about that, but my brain gave up.  

I have always wished I could write prose, but every time I've tried it sucked BIG TIME. I couldn't find my "style". Too terse, too wordy, grammar like a six-year-old... You name it. Staring at that blank page was just too terrifying. Then, about a week ago, I thought, what if I adapt one of my screenplays? To my surprise, this actually worked. I used The NoSleep podcast's guidelines and with that in mind, I wrote a short story out of this script here. It's super scary for me to show it to anyone. Since it's my first attempt and I feel it's okay, I'm scared to death that it actually sucks donkey balls as a long ago former member used to say. My go-to friends that write prose are too busy and I asked someone in a writing group on FB and one person offered to read. I never heard back. Don said I should try here instead. So,... This is my first attempt at a short story with the goal to be able to submit it to The NoSleep horror podcast. I'm absolutely willing to read something in return.  

"I entered the cemetery with flowers. I left having unleashed its most sinister captive…"

https://docs.google.com/docume.....pof=true&sd=true

Pia, you certainly didn't suck this time.

I love this story!
Great job.

Thanks a LOT Libby! Means a lot and I will send it to them and see what happens.

Btw, I used Scrivener and the free version of Grammarly. Without a little help from their spelling and grammar checks, this would not have been possible.  

Pia, I thought I'd add a couple more things. Pay attention to where you write 'almost' this, ''almost that' e.g. almost paralysed.

Almost paralyzed with fear, I willed myself to back off down the path...

Almost gagged, almost paralysed, almost forty years, almost instantly, the fog was almost gone.

Paralysed with fear might be punchier.
Gagged might be stronger on its own.

I'm not saying any of that is wrong, just be aware 'almost' might be a habit you're getting into where the definitive is a better choice.

I started to relax. I thought back at what had transpired
I thought back to what had transpired (instead of at) ?

The main problem I have with prose is getting the hang of tenses and sometimes switching so I won't dare advise on that except to say I think you've consistently got it right.

“In every shadow, in every whisper of the wind, I exist. Boundless, unchained to wander as I
will, to play as I desire. But fear not. You shall remain untouched. The world offers ample
distractions...

Great line! This (above) reminded me of the line in Silence of the Lambs - Hannibal won't come after her now. But of course your guy makes his presence known in the last line over the radio as a warning.

If I were to nitpick anything it would be be the scream at the end, but then I can't advise any alternative. For audio I think it has to be that really.

Anyway Balt would be proud.  

P.S. I've seen No Sleep on Reddit, read a few. Some were picked up and made into movies, or at least are in development. I thought it was just a Reddit thing, (silly me) had no idea of the website itself and call for submissions.

With that in mind I think you've done the job but would go through one last time and see if anything can be punched up audio wise.

Thanks Libby!

I appreciate those things you pointed out. When I first started here there were a few people who took the time to explain things and make me aware of stuff. One person told me that the thesaurus is your best friend. I took that to heart and always keep that and dictionary. com open when I write. Anything you, or anyone else point out I usually will remember. So, thank you.

Cornetto turned me onto the podcast. I like it, but sone of the stories are a little on the dull side for my taste.

Silens of The Lams... well, I've probably seen it 100 times by now and even after all these years it's still one of my favorites.

Thanks agaun!