Confession by James Austin Mccormick - Short, Horror - A priest's past actions come back to haunt him and there's going to be HELL to pay. 7 pages

Production: One main character (the second is off screen and is merely a voice) and a single location which is so dark it could be shot anywhere. I tried to write this as a microbudget script which could be shot in a single day and with one actor and one location. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi James,

A very effective Short.
I like that you didn't go the route of abuse and the Catholic church, but chose something entirely different.

A few notes/typos etc.

There only blackness
There's
Or just: Blackness.

behind it is not necessary.

Last rites not rights.
My last confession was two years ago, not ears.

FATHER SAMUEL
I’m (A beat) sorry, Michael.
You don't really need the beat here, but I'd you do use this it should be on a separate line. Maybe just use an ellipsis.

I'm... sorry, Michael.
Otherwise -
Parenthetical goes underneath
I'm...
(beat)
Sorry, Michael.

Chase is off screen the whole time and I see you've elected to do this deliberately with voice only.

Perhaps an image, even of a hulking shadowy figure might break this up visually, but that could be a Director's choice.

FATHER SAMUEL
This thing is not the servants of
God.

Suggestion: is not a servant of God

I got this power coursing
through me

Suggestion: I have a power coursing through me now.

(Scared but a hint of defiance)
That's a long parenthetical. I would write this on a separate line.

The confessional door creaks open, then slams closed.
Slams shut maybe? Great last cracking sound to finish on btw.

Love this bit:
... when
I woke up I was healed.
Not just
healed, but stronger, faster,
smarter. I got this power coursing
through me.

Anyway, a well done good v evil v theology v science debate.
I hope you join the discussion board and I wish you well with this.

Thanks for the feedback- pretty embarrassed about the typos - will correct them.
Thank you for the kind words- and yes, I will be around on the discussion board. SS is a great site to be on.

No problem, James. Nice to have you on board!

Hit the submission link again if you want to put up another draft and tick the box that says:
This is an update to a script, logline, genre, or title already on the site. Don will then change the script link.