SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 11:45pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  ›  Fans
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Fans  (currently 2266 views)
Don
Posted: October 2nd, 2011, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Fans by Steve Burton (steveb) - Short, Romantic Comedy - Walter sits alone in an empty theatre to wait for a Greta Garbo film to begin, and then Carrie, a stranger, sits next to him.  13 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (7 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  January 16th, 2019, 5:18pm
revised draft
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Dreamscale
Posted: October 2nd, 2011, 7:05pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Sorry, Steve, but this is formatted completely incorrect...like everything about it.

I recommend you get your hands on some screenwriting software (Celtx is free), and read all the scripts you can to see how to do it correctly.

Good luck.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 1 - 6
mcornetto
Posted: October 2nd, 2011, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I have to agree, Steve.  Your formatting is in dire need of assistance.  It's kind of amusing actually because it doesn't seem like you did it by margins, it seems like you did it by eye.  So some margins seem diagonal and some seem just plain random.  

Use Celtx like suggested above. It's free.  There's also http://scripped.com/ which is free and online.  But you really need the software otherwise you'll be dealing with people complaining about this sort of thing - forever - and never reading your scripts.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 6
skp1987
Posted: October 3rd, 2011, 5:14pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
17
Posts Per Day
0.00
I'm guessing this is one of your first screenplays, and that's ok, got to start somewhere. I cringe when I look at the fruit couple of screenplays I ever wrote. The formatting of a script is really important, people just wont take any notice of your writing if the formatting is off. But it's good tat you've copy written it.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 6
rc1107
Posted: January 19th, 2013, 1:45am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Youngstown
Posts
1241
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hey Steve.

I saw this was a revised draft from 2011.  Unfortunately, the same formatting problems are still there, and you clearly are still using MS Word based on the still-incorrect margins.  ;-)  I'm speaking from experience.  I was a Works and Word user because I hated celtx and the other software, so I used Word until something better came up.

And it did.  Trelby Screenwriting Software.  It's free.  Google it, Bing it, Dogpile it, ... whatever,  but you certainly need it.

So, formatting and over-slugging your scenes aside, I actually muscled through it to see if there was a good story here.

Unfortunately... nothing happened.  It was not interesting at all.  I didn't learn anything about the characters, except their fans of Greta Garbo (and I'm assuming you're one as well.)  Well, I found out their jobs.  And that's all.

This was just weird and not the surreal kind of weird that makes things cool.  It was... well, sorry to be cruel if that's how this sounds...  pointless.

The height of the film is that secondary characters make out and one of them has a film in a festival?

I see you've got a couple scripts posted this week, so I don't know if this is your David Lynch-story or something, but I don't know if I want to find out if the others are any better.

Sorry.  Maybe make the formatting corrections to this one to prove you're trying and for me to see if you're around (I see you've got a screen name), and I might check out another story from you.

- Mark


Logged
Private Message YIM Reply: 4 - 6
sniper
Posted: January 19th, 2013, 4:22am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


My UZI Weighs A Ton

Location
Northern Hemisphere
Posts
2249
Posts Per Day
0.48
Is Steve around? Me thinks not.


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 6
Fausto
Posted: December 28th, 2016, 3:28pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
New Jersey
Posts
193
Posts Per Day
0.06
Steve,
I would make the slugs more clear...all those "following" should be replaced by the standard format....keep in mind that each slugline requires a change ...lights, actors, location, cameras etc. and this should be clearly indicated...every change carries a production cost . I like the premise but the script should be revised accordingly.
Happy 2017.
Fausto
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 6
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006