The D'Angelo Way by James Austin McCormick - Short, Sci Fi - An unscrupulous journalist sets out to uncover the secret of a fitness guru’s eternal youth. It's not the healthiest decision he could have made. 20 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Ha ha!  I loved it.  At first I thought it might be too wordy, but it came out just right.  I really didn't see the android bit coming.  I thought it would be some kind of black magic thing.  Well played.

Mrs. D'Angelo needs to have her programmers put in a terse mode that she can switch to for after the show, to avoid that happening again!

Thanks Steven- I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for your feedback

Pretty nice story - congrats.

Several areas need tidying.


LUCA D’ANGELO (69 but looks at least twenty years younger),
a tanned, muscular, perfect specimen of manhood in a garish
track suit, stands on stage.

Tracksuit is one word.

This:

Quoted Text (CON’T)

Should be:

(CONT'D)

Quoted Text LUCA Always are my dear.

comma after are.LUCA

Quoted Text LUCA (Excitedly) You’re certain?

Wrong format. Should be:

LUCA
(Excitedly)
You’re certain?

Quoted Text CARTER Not true ma’am, I assure you

Need a period at the end.

Quoted Text CARTER (CON’T) It would be a great honor for me sir.

coma after me.

Quoted Text LUCA Two minutes Mr Carter. Ask your questions.

Quoted Text SARA I think you have enough Mr Carter. comma after minutes.

comma after enough.

Thanks so much for pointing these out.

Quoted from James A McCormick Thanks so much for pointing these out.

My pleasure