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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Unexpected Finds
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Don
Posted: November 18th, 2018, 12:30pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Unexpected Finds by Oksana Shafetova - Short, Thriller - The young woman finds fresh evidences of murder in her flat where she lives alone. 2 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: November 18th, 2018, 12:45pm Report to Moderator
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I didn't get it


My Scripts can all be seen here:

https://dlambertson.wixsite.com/scripts
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 19th, 2018, 5:42am Report to Moderator
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Hi Oksana

The writing needs work. The actions can be condensed, writing only what can be filmed and things such as "All of a sudden" can be removed - This will make reading it a lot easier without taking anything away - Read some good scripts and see how they describe action in as little words as possible.

The ending was a little confusing, is she schizophrenic and is actually the murderer? I was left scratching my head so think this needs to be a little clearer.


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it

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Matthew Taylor  -  November 19th, 2018, 9:54am
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