SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 9th, 2019, 2:34pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)

Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Church of Disrepute
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Church of Disrepute  (currently 189 views)
Posted: May 5th, 2019, 11:31am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Church of Disrepute by Matthew Sawyer - Short, Thriller, Crime - Vicar Kevin runs a low key drug ring from his church, but when big time drug dealers pay him a visit. Will he crumble under the pressure or step up his game? 15 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: May 29th, 2019, 8:53pm Report to Moderator

Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts Per Day
Story is good, dialog really brings it down unfortunately. Liked the character of Mike, was a good support.

Enjoyed the fact that you didn't make Kevin wrestle with any demons. Meaning, glad there was no inner turmoil about whether or not he should be running a drug business out of his church. The guilty conscience - been done before, so glad you steered away from it. Would have liked to see that point made stronger. That he's is unrepentant about selling drugs. It brings money to the church for repairs and to keep it going for the community, that sort of thing.

Didn't buy the ending either. Maybe Kevin would die at the end but surely not the way presented here. This was kind of the ultimate, "Oh, I can't deal with this right now," type of an ending. Who's to say that Claire won't be harmed now that he's dead? He just took himself out of the equation way too fast.

Maybe do a little more research on the drug trade to make the dialog more realistic and help drive the story.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Thriller Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006