Ruins to Redemption by Derrick Vernon - Short, Thriller, Crime, Action - With his skills and years of fighting for his nation, Kane has served his country. He bought a house for himself, his wife, and their young child after retiring. Something is about to turn his world upside down. It only takes a moment to change your life forever—to defend the person you love. It's difficult to work while two adversaries are around you. Despite his life being in ruins, he managed to find redemption. Second chances show up in perplexing ways. 30 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

Hi Derrick.

I suggest you go through a lot of scripts here to see how scripts are properly formatted.

You have so much "dialogue" in your action. Remember, everything that is spoken is dialogue e.g. first line...
"Kane and his wife are talking about how delighted they are to be in a new place". If they are talking, it is dialogue.

Screenwriting is what you can film, so "She wants to call the police, but she can't" cannot be filmed.

You have a story here, the art is now how to convert that to a screenplay.

Good luck