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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Shades Within Moderators: bert
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medstudent
Posted: September 9th, 2010, 6:18pm Report to Moderator
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Read the script and fell in love with it. Kinda reminded me of memento for some reason. I would love to read the new draft.


Aashiq, sorry for the delayed response. Thanks for the cudos. Memento is my all-time favorite movie. Brilliant.

I'll let you know when I have a new draft finished.

Best,
Joseph


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Electric Dreamer
Posted: September 9th, 2010, 10:31pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from medstudent

Ahhh. I forgot to address the body. The body has nothing to do with Rudy or Katie. It was just a female corpse who happened to have on the same dress. I need to add a scene in during the restaurant showing a girl with the same dress then add a closure scene with her getting murdered by her "John" or something.

Oh damn, I was convinced the body was planned. Wow, how did I do that?
It's supposed to be a random corpse with same dress?
If that's the case, that's a giant serving of plot convenience, my friend.
To me, that strains the strong credibility you've shown with your work to date.
Good luck with that conundrum, good sir.


Quoted from medstudent

Again, great point. I think I need to substitute this fella with someone already within the story. Someone connected to the Detectives somehow. Someone Rudy meets but doesn't remember.

I meant "hot" as in great ass hot. Vinadoo is a great stripper name.  

Yeah, the last thing I want to say during the climax is, "Who's this guy?"
Vindaloo = outstanding prostitute moniker! <3



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