SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is January 26th, 2022, 6:29am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)


The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  The Bad News First Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    The Bad News First  (currently 4772 views)
Don
Posted: January 26th, 2012, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
15136
Posts Per Day
1.97
The Bad News First by Eric Dickson (jack) - Thriller - The quirky staff of a controversial internet tabloid juggle three headline grabbing stories. 129 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Forgive
Posted: February 11th, 2012, 3:13pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1378
Posts Per Day
0.32
Hi Erik. And the good news is!

Looks like a pretty good script here. (At last!).

I think that some people will have some issues with the liberal use of CAPS - I think it played well with parts of the script, but in other places in gnawed somewhat.

Couple of minors that I spotted:

# a flashy but sheik sport coat
-- did you mean 'chic'?

# A PAIR OF UNIFORM PATROLMEN catch his attention.
-- this is passive - okay now and again.

I don't think that your dialogue setting are correct? I think they should have a ragged right where as yours are justified.

Just did the first ten pages - looked like a solid write.

Good stuff.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 39
ericdickson
Posted: February 11th, 2012, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
318
Posts Per Day
0.06
Thanks for taking a look.  Yeah, I starting doing my dialogue like this after seeing several other scripts with this similar format.  I hate how Final Draft makes the dialogue margins look so sloppy, so I started doing it manually on Word.

Thanks for the positive comments!  I got beat up pretty bad on Amazon Studios with a three out of five star review.  I think it's my best script, but its getting the worst marks of all my stuff.  Go figure
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 39
Forgive
Posted: February 11th, 2012, 8:49pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1378
Posts Per Day
0.32
Uhhhh? Go figure...

Sorry! Didn't realize it was you - you're called Jack and the writers called Eric...

So I know you from the boards. In all honesty, this is one of the best scripts I've read in a long while - just a lot of distraction that takes away from it.

I totally see what you are saying with the 'several other scripts' - but I'm guessing you mean 'produced' scripts???

While I don't totally agree with the 'once optioned do what you want' theory - I concede there's more freedom, so that produced scripts can be misleading.

Look - I read the 'best script' on Amazon (Matthew Gossett - sure you're seen it), I felt it was pedestrian, but then it didn't make many errors.

I reckon you need to 'spec script' this - make it look like a spec more than a produced one, and see where it gets you. It's worth a test. Matthew's made me yawn. Yeah. Indeed. Go figure.

Best to you.

Simon.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 39
ericdickson
Posted: February 11th, 2012, 9:27pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
318
Posts Per Day
0.06
Simon,

Would you like to tackle a rewrite and possibly resubmit to Amazon as co-writers?  It seems you "get" the story, but understand where the format needs work.  I would be interested in someone else taking a crack at format.  I'm too burnt to tackle a rewrite and I could use a fresh set of eyes.

Are you interested?  I actually LOVE this story, but was very confused on how to properly convey these ideas on paper so they make sense to whoever reads it.  I think I over did the action and descriptions because I thought the reader would get lost with all the multiple stories.

Anyways, let me know if you're interested.

Eric D.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 39
ericdickson
Posted: February 11th, 2012, 9:33pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
318
Posts Per Day
0.06
I can honestly say that I've been struggling with "spec style" as of late.  I haven't written anything in almost three years and having a tough time getting back into the swing. I'm trying to learn how to write less action and keep my descriptions brief, but not dull.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 39
Forgive
Posted: February 12th, 2012, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1378
Posts Per Day
0.32
Hi Jack - sorry, been away from the boards - I kind of would like to take a look, but I haven't got major amounts of time on my hands - I'm working on a couple of features at the moment (not mine) - so if you are in no rush, then yeah - I'll pm my email over to you and we can have a go.

Simon
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 39
ChrisB
Posted: March 7th, 2012, 11:23pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
65
Posts Per Day
0.02
Hi Jack.  Good script.  I think you have a good idea but it's very confusing.  I'd be willing to help you rewrite this.  
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 39
ericdickson
Posted: March 10th, 2012, 7:31pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
318
Posts Per Day
0.06
Simon tackled a rewrite and trimmed up the format, action and dialogue.  Im very happy with it, but haven't re-uploaded the new draft to simplyscripts.  You can check it out on Amazon Studios.  

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 39
Electric Dreamer
Posted: March 12th, 2012, 9:23am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

Location
Los Angeles
Posts
2743
Posts Per Day
0.66

Quoted from ericdickson
Simon tackled a rewrite and trimmed up the format, action and dialogue.  Im very happy with it, but haven't re-uploaded the new draft to simplyscripts.  You can check it out on Amazon Studios.  



Hey Eric,

Can you provide a link to the new draft?

Regards,
Brett


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 39
ericdickson
Posted: March 12th, 2012, 1:22pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
318
Posts Per Day
0.06
http://studios.amazon.com/scripts/14227

The story and dialogue are pretty much the same, but Simon really trimmed the format and made it more spec ready.  I might fix up some of the story contrivances a bit later, but letting this one rest for now.  It could use a bit more work.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 39
ericdickson
Posted: March 27th, 2012, 12:23pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
318
Posts Per Day
0.06
Write To Reel did a full page review of Bad News First this morning.  They didn't think much of it.  I was really surprised and kind of shocked.  I thought it would rate a bit higher than this.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 39
Dreamscale
Posted: March 27th, 2012, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11431
Posts Per Day
2.21
I had never heard of Write to Reel, but it looks like a pretty cool little site.

I was surprised to see Simon's name along with yours here.  I take it you brought him in as a collab?

47 out of 100 is definitely tough to swallow, but haven't you been saying for a long time there were problems here you couldn't do away with?  What surprised me more was that bigfoot script, Sawtooth, received a 46, and it was very, very poorly written.

I think their grading scale is fairly well thought out, but like everything, it has its problems, and getting an 80 or higher looks to be pretty tough at best.

Hey as you know, you can't please everyone.  Good luck with it going forward.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 39
ericdickson
Posted: March 27th, 2012, 4:35pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando, FL
Posts
318
Posts Per Day
0.06
When it comes right down to it, you should judge a script on whether or not it will make a good film.  The script is not without its problems, but 47% is hard to accept given the fact that a sasquatch running through the woods received the same score.  

Weak.    

Thanks,
Eric      
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 39
Forgive
Posted: March 27th, 2012, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1378
Posts Per Day
0.32

Quoted from Dreamscale
I was surprised to see Simon's name along with yours here.


Thank-you Jeff. You do my ego no end of good.

Yeah - I had mixed feelings about the review - they're a couple of guys who have an idea of what they're about, but they're not industry pro's.

Eric knows my take on what they said - whilst I don't think they've got it right, I think they've helped highlight some of the issues that can improve things, so I still think the script's on an upward trajectory.

BTW - it's still 90% Eric's work - I just tightened it up some.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 39
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Thriller Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006