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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  The Codex - Outline advice needed Moderators: bert
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scrawlx101
Posted: October 31st, 2022, 5:37pm Report to Moderator
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I am currently outlining for a short film which in my mind is a dystopian drama but I am unsure if it makes much sense.

I would really appreciate feedback on my outline and some of the general story beats.

Is my idea too big for a 10-12 minute short film?

How could I make the idea smaller if this is the case?

Have I outlined with the story circle correctly? I was a bit stuck on beats 4-8?

STRUCTURE

Ordinary World - Steve is an enforcer for Aegis - an organization dedicated to hunting down books as they believe that the ‘CODEX’ is the unbiased fountain of knowledge(a dystopian version of wikipedia).

YOU - We meet Steve and Kim(his gung ho partner) in the midst of torturing a skittish man who implores them to stop but they confiscate his book regardless of the sentimental value.

2. NEED - Steve wants to be fulfilled and thinks that working for Aegis is achieving that but he NEEDS to learn to question authority.

3.GO - Inciting Incident - Steve is given the location of a mysterious group of rebels for his next assignment which he happily accepts.

4.SEARCH -Steve visits the rebels and encounters Penelope in the act of reading ,he approaches her with the intent of arrest but gets knocked out by Tim.

5. FIND - Steve has a face to face with Penelope , he tries to use this to gather more information but is met with kindness. Penelope reveals that the books are harmless and offers a voice recording of a politician stating that the ‘codex is a great way to manipulate the population’ , Penelope also reveals she was formerly part of the voting panel who was in favor for the codex.

Steve’s want has now changed: he is ready to defect despite Tim’s distrust.

6. Pay a Heavy Price - Kim arrives having tailed Steve. Penelope goes to distract her while she orders Tim to hide Steve but Kim notices the books and eliminates her.

7. Return - Steve and Tim are hiding together as Kim investigates. Steve notices that Tim is unable to move past the grief of losing Penelope. Steve feels immense guilt - he is at his LOWPOINT but recalls his desire to be fulfilled.

8. Having Changed - Steve confronts Kim and reluctantly knocks her out after failing to convince her to stop her overzealous rampage. Steve then pushes Tim to show him the ropes and they leave for a new safehouse.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 31st, 2022, 6:51pm Report to Moderator
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Definitely looks like there is too much plot here for 10-12 pages... looks like there's probably enough for a a feature length script!

My only thought would be to take one of the early scenes and make that the short script, i.e. the scene with the skittish man.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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scrawlx101
Posted: October 31st, 2022, 7:27pm Report to Moderator
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I was also thinking of starting at the SEARCH or Pay a heavy price section - would that make sense instead of the exposition beforehand?

Also, have I used the story circle correctly?
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 1st, 2022, 1:33am Report to Moderator
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I'm not familiar with the model you are using, as I just get an idea and start writing

So not sure about the sections you mention... I'd also be a little wary about using such a model as this for a short script when it is likely that it was intended for feature scripts.

They key would be that the section you use works as a standalone story.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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