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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  In Don We Trust Moderators: bert
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  Author    In Don We Trust  (currently 4364 views)
Don
Posted: February 11th, 2006, 1:21pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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In Don We Trust by Steven Cameron (Wesley) - Adventure, Short, Comedy - Heretic is summoned by Don at SimplyScripts Mental Institution because Wesley is missing, nobody will ever be the same once this story is told. 40 pages - html, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Nixon
Posted: February 11th, 2006, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
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Iíve been busy with my on-line class; but hopefully Iíll get the chance to finish this tonight. Great so far.

-Zavier


Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever.
I WAS WRONG.
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Alan_Holman
Posted: February 11th, 2006, 8:58pm Report to Moderator
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Magnificent!  Brilliant!  Encore!

*throws many flowers at the stage whereupon you bow*


Revision History (1 edits)
Alan_Holman  -  February 11th, 2006, 9:17pm
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W
Posted: February 11th, 2006, 11:31pm Report to Moderator
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This is the final cut, unedited. I did leave out a few scenes that would be after Casey's scene where Jason and Kenny talk about a lot of screenplays from this site but like all fun things I had to cut it before the script became feature length.

And I know some characters were not described, that was on purpose.

I'm glad you liked it Alan, really was nervous when I seen that you replied though ha-ha


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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thegardenstate89
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 12:32am Report to Moderator
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I have to say, despit my skepticism about the simply scripter scripts fad, I enjoyed this one too. Very nice job Wesley. There's nothing I could complain about. In the beginning I was confused but I went back and re read it and I concluded that you kicked this adventure off brilliantly. Very unique.
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bert
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Wes.  My favorite aspect to this one was the way you managed incorporate yourself -- twice! -- without seeming self-indulgent.  It all worked to the betterment of the story.

Of all the challenges with SimplyNoir, the biggest question was including ourselves.  George threw himself in there with great zeal -- and we went back and forth about it for a bit, but in the end it seems to have worked -- but it was only under protest that I made an appearance at all.

But you really pulled it off.  Your character was amongst my favorites here.

Technical comments are just silly on something like this, but I will give you a few more things that I really liked:

*  Andy, about Breanne.
*  Andy, breaking the trophy.
*  Alanis.
*  "Wilson".
*  "Wesley is a dick."
*  Uwe Boll.  In retrospect, I wish George and I had thought to incorporate some famous people, too.  There is really no reason not to.
*  George vs. Andrew.
*  The high horse.  Brilliant.  With Impulse, yet!

And I found myself in there, too, as I suspected I might.  The only problem I have with my character is that he always refers to himself in the third person.  I certainly don't mind -- but I don't get it, either.  Is it part of the joke?  Does Bert really do that?

So, anyway, this was a very successful piece, Wes, and a very unique addition the S.S. catalogue.  I doubt that we will see another quite like it.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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W
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 2:13pm Report to Moderator
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The whole Bert dummy would basically be in context to the story a way to further pull in Heretic. Also it sets up the deleted scene reveal with the real you.

I wouldn't read much into that, I changed things to further the plot.

Celebrities are great, originally I had Bruce Campbell make an appearance (In the opening dream) but he had to be cut as well for time.

Iím glad people have enjoyed it so far.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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Nixon
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 2:54pm Report to Moderator
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Good stuff.

Once again you've impressed me. You managed to take these s.s. scripts (in my opinion) a fad that was getting old and rejuvenated it with originality. Your time on theses boards really shows, you've managed to use every character (member) in an interesting and new manner (Don didn't die). Good job, although it could have used a cameo by D.J. Fresh Boots  

-Zavier


Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever.
I WAS WRONG.

Revision History (1 edits)
Nixon  -  February 12th, 2006, 2:55pm
These ' turn into ?
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Alan_Holman
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from W
I'm glad you liked it Alan, really was nervous when I seen that you replied though ha-ha


Nervous!?  Truth is you didn't get the dialogue in the shower scene right, but I won't hold it against you
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Antemasque
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 7:11pm Report to Moderator
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That was crazy man.
Great job.  
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Higgonaitor
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 9:42pm Report to Moderator
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Wes, I was confused at parts, but nothing like, that would completely throw me off, so in the end, I ended up really enjoying this.  Good job.  Did you know your the only one who did not use the fact that people think I resemble jack black as a joke?  Kudos to you for that.

My favorite part might have to be Andy coming up with her super power.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
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Impulse
Posted: February 12th, 2006, 11:46pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


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Wow. Great stuff, Wesley. I especially liked me in there ... but either there was a typo or you don't know that I'm a girl (if the Cary Grant & Ingrid Bergman avatar didn't tip you off). Either way, I loved it. And everything was great... but I have to stick to this board more because there were some jokes that I didn't get. But it didn't ruin the entire experience for me, I still liked it a lot.  
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CindyLKeller
Posted: February 13th, 2006, 8:34am Report to Moderator
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A very entertaining read, Wes.
I particularly liked Andy's one-liners. They made me laugh.
Another simplyscript member script, and another good read. I love these scripts.

Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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W
Posted: February 13th, 2006, 9:17am Report to Moderator
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Impulse... Wow, I'm shocked I honestly have thought you as being a male. I have that problem with people; if they don't say it I will never know (Magic of the internet) I thought Andy was a guy until she said something.

Seriously though that was a character judgment on my behalf (I feel a bit stupid) Thinking of it maybe I did know that but forgot along the way and somehow you became a guy.

NiXon - Dj Fresh Boots is going to have his own series, in fact I came up with a great premise and all I need is for someone with experience in the radio business to give me a few pointers on the ins and outs of what it's like. (I could do research but a living breathing person is much better for specific questions)

Higgonaitor - So you don't think Higgity Higgity Hello will catch on and replace Giggity Giggity Goo? I used you just so I could use that catch phrase and I thought you torturing me by making me watch the lost episode of mindless was funny.

Don actually did die in my original draft, in fact here's an excerpt from the notes I make before I write something.

Quoted Text
They find Wesley, Don dives in front of him before he is shot by the bad guy whoever it is.

The only reason it changed is because halfway through the writing of the screenplay you'll notice I changed things to make it a big conspiracy, it was originally Don doing the Lord of the Rings death scene as the one dying. Also originally when Don says "I'm his father" it was the truth but I thought that people might begin thinking weird thoughts so I changed it and made it the way it is.

I hope this gives people that push to write their own because you don't need to know us, you just need to give a little effort into making it as dumb as possible.

Also Higgonaitor we both have Don say "Here's Donny" at least I remember him saying that in yours. I honestly read yours after I sent mine in so it was even more funny that they kind of tie in.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: February 13th, 2006, 2:08pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from W

Also Higgonaitor we both have Don say "Here's Donny" at least I remember him saying that in yours. I honestly read yours after I sent mine in so it was even more funny that they kind of tie in.


Yeah, I noticed that too, yours is closert to the shining, what with Don chopping through a door, but I think we both used it pretty comically.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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