Holiday Tradition by Mike Shelton - Short - Sometimes tradition can be a powerful thing.  Valentine's Day Visual Writing Exercise Entry. 3 pages - doc, format

Nice idea, well executed. I really like it. Simple, but effective. Not much else to say about a 3 pager.

Good job!

I'll echo Martin -- really well done -- if really short.  There is nothing to bust on here -- it's all good -- but then, it's only three pages, too.

Why...it's even touching (sniffle, sniffle).

However, I would say that after three years (and however many more years there were before that), the chick working the cash register needs to re-examine her career goals.

Nice job. You managed to make me feel sad, and in just three pages too.
That's an accomplishment in itself.

very nice job
again like everyone else there isn't much to say about this script. It's short but has a nice little point. Good deeds don't go unoticed
I don't know if that was your intention but that's what I got out of it. But yeah, very nice. 3 pages seems short but it goes to show that you can have a nice complete story of that length. Your descripts were broken up appropriately and it flowed nicely.
an enjoyable read for my first short in this challenge
-Matt

Good job, Mike. You achieved a strong emotional tone in just three pages.

SPOILERS

- The last mark on the calendar was a powerful visual of the character´s death; I liked that one.

- "INT. SUNNYSIDE RETIREMENT HOME, MAIN LOBBY - DAY"
Some of your slugs were too long, IMO. You could try: "INT. RETIREMENT HOME/MAIN LOBBY - DAY" or just "INT. MAIN LOBBY - DAY"

Overall, a fast and an interesting read. Good job.

Mike, simple and very touchable story this a type of script that many new directors are looking for in order to show theirs directing skills.

Nice, very nice 3 pages, but believe me Mike write more fews pages and you will see what could happen next.

Wow, rather touching and a nice emotional piece for just 3 pages.  I agree, some of the sluglines are too long.  

INT.  SUNNYSIDE RETIREMENT HOME, MAIN LOBBY - DAY

The elderly group sits around the lobby with looks of sadness on their face.

You pretty much solved your own problem right there.

So yes, a very nice and sweet piece!  What happened to PDF?  It's so much more cleaner than Word.

Mike,

This was just really sweet. It brought tears to my eyes. I think if I had been watching it on television or something, it may have made me cry. Very well done. Very moving and effective in such a short span. This is only the second Valentine’s Day script I’ve been able to read but I can’t imagine a piece evoking so much emotion (and such a gamut of emotion -- I was moved to smile as well as almost cry) in such a short span.

Very moving. Now, this is what I like. Something to touch me and affect me. Great work.

Breanne

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I was definitely going for the jugular in terms of sadness here, and I'm glad I was able to accomplish that.

Yeah, I really hate those sluglines, but I figured what the hell.

Bert,

Why would she think about a new career?  She's a pharmacist.  The pharmacy is supposed to be one of those Mom and Pop types, not like a Walgreens/Osco/CVS

Hey Mike,

This was really different coming from you, there was no dialogue, which I think was the purpose of this exercise, so if I didn't see your name I don't think I would have known this was from you.

This was a very nice story, even though it's a valentine's day theme, I think the theme would work even as a Christmas story in a way, so I figured upon reading it I would give it a bump

this put a smile on my face even though it is kinda sad.

the scene with the candy boxes at the grave site was a very nice touch and a good way to end it.

nice work.

Jordan,

Thanks once again for bringing one of my scripts back from the depths.  In all honesty, I'm rather proud of this one.  When the "contest" was first mentioned, I was a little nervous about the inability to use dialogue, given my habit of "talky" writing.

But, in the end, I sat down for a bit, thought it out, and came up wiith this.  I think it's a nice piece, and I definitely overcame the no dialogue obstacle even if I did manage only 3 pages.

Thanks again for checking it out, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Hey Mike,

Thanks for referring me to this. Looking at your formatting has been helpful and I'm clear about what I need to do with my script now. It seems I just need to put spaces between the paragraphs, and single sentences, to make up for the lack of dialogue and scene headings.

SPOILER

As for this story, I thought it was well written and you crammed a fair bit into two and quarter pages. For the sake of making a suggestion, perhaps the people could be eating the chocolates at the cemetery, so it's like they're showing their old friend that they're still enjoying his generosity, however, your ending works well.  I like the idea of them giving back to him.