SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is August 18th, 2019, 7:34pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Shadows Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Shadows  (currently 734 views)
Don
Posted: March 20th, 2006, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13206
Posts Per Day
1.95
Shadows by Julian Singleton - Short, Horror - Nick is a boy who suffers from Night Terrors. The only way out for him is Gamprolin. At first, the drug seems to work, blocking out his nightmares effectively. But it gives him access to some world he doesn't want to see. Now the shadowy figures who inhabit this world are becoming real... 13 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
dogglebe
Posted: March 20th, 2006, 10:50pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



A big problem that a lot of screenplay writers have is that they describe actions incorrectly.  It's just something that they have to learn.  The big rule that they break is that they describe actions in ways that cannot be recorded by the camera.  An example of this can be found on the first page:

"It's an abandoned hangar (not 'hanger').  It's run down and rusty, but the equipment looks recent.  But something doesn't seem right."

'But something doesn't seem right?'

There are other examples of this but, since I can't cut and paste from a pdf file, I'm not going to retype everything.  The point is, the camera can't film this.  You have to visually describe how something doesn't seem right.  How the character behaves.

I felt that your dialogue was too on-the-nose.  The characters were straight to the point, as if you were limited to how many words to use.  No one talks like this.  Stretch it out a little bit.  Pad it.  You should especially add to the explanation that Eric gives regarding the shadow creatures.  It was so cut and dry that it was unrealistic.

Read some other scripts on these boards to see how dialogue is written.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006