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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Bucky Moderators: bert
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  Author    Bucky  (currently 2552 views)
Don
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 6:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bucky by Roger Smith - Short - A young buck leaves the safety of the deep forest on a quest to find an a answer so many animals want to know. 4 pages - doc, format


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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
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I actually thought this was really funny.  My only comment is "show not tell" (in your description of Bucky, how will the viewers see that he has no sense of direction).  Anyway, I love what you did with his voice over, and the ending is funny, although slightly sad.

I think you want to change the font to courier new as well, but thats easy.  Good job.


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James McClung
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
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This was a decent read. I thought Bucky was a good character and there were a few funny moments but I think it could have been extended. Also, the font makes the script look ameturish even if the format is in ship shape. I'd suggest you change to Courier or Courier New.


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Breanne Mattson
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
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Haha - Iím originally from Kentucky and the hunters counting the minutes until the start of deer season is such a good parody of them. They really are like that. They can hardly wait to get out there and shoot something.

Iím not sure about the ending, though. That was kind of a killjoy.


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Kevan
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hey

This was very good.. And funny.. Dialogue was right on the money, cool..

I know it was only 4 pages but you nailed it in that page count, well done..

Could see this as a cartoon or animation..

Clever little character from an animals perspective and the hunters too, dorks but funny..

Shame about the ending but I guess it was inevitable..

Pretty good one..

I think I know who wrote this and your lame attempt to hide your writing in a word doc and using CAPS don't fool me bucko..

Well done anyways..
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Mr.Z
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:10pm Report to Moderator
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Some good moments... The hunters drooling, haha. The only thing I didnīt like was the author talking at me ("see this" "imagine that"). Somehow it pulls me away from the story.

Besides that, it worked well for a 4 page script written in such short time. Good job.


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CindyLKeller
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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Poor Bambi er I mean Bucky.
Good job with all the characters and the dialogue. A nicely rounded little story in only four pages.
Yes, good job.  
Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
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A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
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tomson
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 10:00pm Report to Moderator
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This was good!

The drooling hunters waiting for the clock.

The dialogue was good, but no curse words? Hmm..,

"If only I could read" very cute. Poor Bucky!

I liked this one Roger, even if you killed Bambi!

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The boy who could fly
Posted: April 18th, 2006, 11:44pm Report to Moderator
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this one was cute, I liked Bucky(I always hink of that guy on american idol when I hear that name).  I know a few people like ned and Billy bob, they were quite amusing.  I loved the ending.  good job


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bert
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
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[Post deleted cuz the author is too lazy to read anybody else's story]


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!

Revision History (1 edits)
bert  -  April 25th, 2006, 7:50am
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Breanne Mattson
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 7:17pm Report to Moderator
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It was just terrible what happened to Bucky. It was terrible. Tomson is so right about how sad it was that he couldnít read. I think the author thought that was funny but it was only funny in a warped way. I really felt sorry for him. That was bad enough. But the ending? I just felt terrible for poor Bucky. (sniffle, sniffle)

Bucky, Come back!



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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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Apparently this has fallen out of Comedy and into Drama!  Oh my, that hasn't happened since "The Muppets in Manhatten"!


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Breanne Mattson
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 7:56pm Report to Moderator
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I just canít get over what happens at the end of this script! -- it terrible!!!

Buckeeeeeeeeey!! Buckeeeeeeey! I will teach you to read!

I canít wait to find out who wrote this. Someone has to answer for this!

Buckeeeeey! Noooooooo!




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George Willson
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
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First thing I did: change the font to courier new. Ah, so much easier on the eyes. You get a font burned into your head, you can't escape it. I even have my email set to courier. Anyway...

This was a little on the thin side. The synopsis says Bucky sets out to learn what all the animals want to know, but you never actually say what that is. It seems everyone already knows this and he is left out. You describe Bucky as an unusual looking deer, but you never use this information. He might as well be perfect. He still bit it. Ned was the one to use the trademark line from the theme and yet, he isn't being shot at; he is the one doing the shooting. Bucky comes out implying he is being shot at, and yet no shots for him either.

What was happening at the beginning? That never received an explanation. This whole script feels like half a story and all the answers are in the missing half. There is some potential humor in the hunters, and could have been something to your deformed deer, but nothing was ever milked or exploited to its advantages.

Maybe I just missed the point...


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greg
Posted: April 19th, 2006, 11:11pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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I'm 50/50 on this one.  It felt rushed and left me with too many "huh's?"  What was the beginning?  What was he trying to find out?  And why did you kill him?  That really ruined it for me.  You probably should have used the extra 11 pages to build off of this.

The good part is that this reminded me of one of the classic Looney Tunes episodes with Elmer hunting Daffy and Bugs.  It had the goofy hunters, the odd dear with physical differences(which don't play a part int he story), and some of the dialogue was funny.

So...good job...but work on completing the story.


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