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Haha! Helio, my crazy Brazilian friend, I enjoyed this one. The story was a little bit silly, but you made it work perfectly, and kept me interested all the way. Good job. You have created your own distinctive style.
I can't think of any relevant suggestions to make, every bit of this little story seemed to work fine. I just got a couple of silly comments.
- Joshua was a very funny prick. Loved many of his lines. - You named the latino Helio? Ha! - And the latina chick is "Helia"?! Haha! - I wonder why Helio didn't mention Pelé to Joshua when talking about his country. An Argentinean would have mentioned Maradona for sure, hehe.
Hey Z, it was silly, wasn’t it? Like a toothless dog it doesn’t bite! Hehe
Yeah, “Helio” is a guy very modest, different of his creator: me. If I was him I talked about Pele of course, and about Ronaldinho, and about Ronaldo and Kaka…Oh, I was forgotten to mention Garrincha! Helia was a cute latino woman, wasn’t she?
Helio, my Latino friend, or should I say Latina? Haha
Your shorts are getting raunchier and raunchier with every script. Makes me wonder what the next one will be like. “Down, big boy… all the way…” lol
I liked the title of this one, how can you not?
SPOILERS: I hated Joshua, but I was supposed to of course. I liked how you wrote yourself into the script and how Joshua gets what he deserves in the end.
I found a couple of typos. Give that proof reader of yours a spanking for me for missing these. Pg1, park lot – parking lot gets out the pick-up – gets out of the… pg6, where’s happened to – what's happened to pg7, pick-up trick – pick-up truck pg8, on the top the night club – on the top of the night club pg10, EXT. THE TOOTHLESS – don’t you mean INT. there? Pg12, talks a long slug – takes a long slug Pg13, HELIA AND YOUNG GUY – Helia has already changed back to Helio.
BTW, I’m keeping my eye on the soccer World Cup as well and it’s not solely because of Fredrik Ljungberg!
Thought I'd check this out. Your scripts always seem to leave an impression. This was no different. Solid, hilarious story you got here. I really enjoyed Joshua's character. Of course, he's a total ass (he even laughs at his own jokes) but hilarious none the less in how shamelessly vile he is. Things were amusing to start with but the male-to-female switch certainly made things more interesting. I was looking forward to see what would happen next. And, of course, Joshua had to get his. I love how Helio/Helia and the Young Guy were yelling at Joshua to dance. Possibly the highlight of the story for me. All in all, this was a very enjoyable read for me. Nothing really to complain about except for a few formatting issues that Pia's already covered. Excellent job, Helio.
So before I read this, I read the other posters' comments and I was about to come in and tell them to stop picking on Helio and calling him a girl until I read this and...well yeah now I understand.
Anyways, I was very surprised to see that you added yourself in, Helio. I'm always afraid to have myself as one of the characters because...well, I don't know, but I don't like to.
Helia? Hehe that sounds funny!
At the end, the Young Guy's last line, I have a suggestion:
Instead of him saying "When you beat somebody with your baseball bat, make sure it isn't a Devil Latino first, amigo..." You should say "...make sure it isn't a Diablo Latino first, amigo..." because it's like spanish or whatever, just a suggestion, you don't have to take it from me...
And I will make sure I'll read this to my cat and his friends!
Haha I just read this. Very random but it worked fairly well and I enjoyed it. Formatting was good and although it shouldn't really have been very believeable it actually worked quite well.
Actor trying to write...
"A good script is never rejected because of layout or lack of technical jargon. If people like it, then any experienced film or TV PA or secretary can lay it out in professional manner and add all the technical terms necessary"
-- Ronald Wolfe "Writing Comedy"
"We don't make movies for critics, since they don't pay to see them anyhow."
Good script. Haven't chatted in a while. My creative side is dead. Need beer for a quick revival. Anyway... I digress.
Hmmm. The title? Not sure it works. The story isnt really about a bar... its about a psychotic latino hater and killer. Its about the devil in latino skin. Maybe something like... I dont know... LAST DANCE or LAST CHA CHA or LATINO KILLER.
Your dialog was mui bueno! The descriptions were a bit over written and could be trimmed a bit. Over all one hot latin story.
I guess I'm the only one, but sorry about it but I didn't like your script much. The reasons are simple: the atmosphere looks completely like "from dusk to dawn". Your main character is antipathetic and racist. No one can identify himself to him and doesn't give a damn about what could happen to him. I don't think you can build a story with a such character, even a short.
Thanks for reading my script. realy the main character is a crap i agree, I belivie like you many of people here in this SS did not to be identified with him at all and me neither. I loved killed him like that, melted in flames was very nice! That crap derserved that, didn't him?