Medicare Nightmare by A Member - Short, Horror - Old ladies with osteoporosis attack a hospital because they cannot afford their medical bills.  The only way to stop them is to hold out the night until the milk truck arrives in the morning so they can give milk to heal the old ladies' bones. 7 pages     A October '06 One Week Challenge entry - rtf, format

I can get what you are going for here -- a kind of zombie bloodbath -- except with old ladies.  It's weird, and I am not sure if it would play out as comic or so patently offensive that people would picket the theater.

Points for trying something different.  I would say that your logline gives away too much of the story.  Personally, I found the ending a little disappointing, but that one is just my opinion.

This is one of the first where I find myself genuinely curious as to who the author might be.

This one, although comical, needed more humor-- just a few tweaks here and there.

A fun read,

Seth

Yes!!!! This one was perfect for me! You combined the two ultimate creepy things together: Zombies and old ladies. It was sort of a Dawn of the Dead feeling, but instead being locked up in a hospital.

This one was funny, and really not that much horror, but the comedy takes over and turns this out to be a good script. It amused me, and that is what matters. I never really saw a script that had paragraphs with numbers. For instance:

1. So-and-So runs down the hallway.

2. So-and-So beats up an old lady while What's-His-Face squashes a woman's arm.

But this was fun nevertheless.

Sean

Hey.

FUnny, definetely not horror, but it was funny.  And it involved milk.  SO wooo!

It was hilarious though, I got a sort od South Park feel from it. and the doctor delivered some hilarious lines, so I guess in the end this was a pretty good read.

-Tyler

Amusing. Not horror, but got me to smile at parts. A good parody of the Dawn of the Dead-esque types of horror movies. Poked fun at a lot of cliches. And any script that massacres a bunch of old ladys is alright with me.

Very solid read. It flowed and kept me reading. Isn't it amazing what creativity lies in the human mind. If I could find one thing that didn't quite jell... it would be the dialogue. Seemed a bit ducka ducka. Here is an example.

KYLE
Shit!  This does not look good.  Everyone into the back room.

I would have given it more power. Like...

Holy shit! Them medicare bitches look evil. Move... Everyone into the back room for we get clobbered by a buncha blue hair bags.

Just a thought. Great job!

Spencer "For Hire" McDonald

WTF was that! I hope the writer of this won't never becomes Healthy Secretary! For God sake...I mean sick! Anyway, very well written; fast reading and it is good. This reminds me 50ths low budget movies in black white played by Rod Cameron and Honda Fleming screened on mondays in my father's theater!

****SPOILERS****

Well, I knew from the logline not to take it seriously. Unfortunately, I didn’t find it all that funny either. I smiled a couple of times and let out a small laugh once. Ultimately, I just don’t find chainsawing old ladies in the face to be all that amusing.

Lauren Michaels? It’s a different spelling but I thought of Saturday Night Live right away. I don’t know if this was some sort of homage or not.

I felt like you were going for South Park style humor but it didn’t quite work for me. The concept of parodying zombie films with elderly women who need medical treatment was novel but the concept really doesn’t have anywhere to go as evidenced by the script. You seemed to have trouble ending it. Sort of like with skit comedy. Sometimes the endings are kind of awkward. This one was too.

Brea

Anyone fed up with old ladies should get a charge out of this. Otherwise...I don't know. At least it's different.

This was different. It would have been nice to see a political figure running for his life in this script. LOL
There were some shocks, but it also had me grinning.
Good job on the challenge.

Cindy

That was absolutely hilarious, definitely my favorite entry so far. But then, who doesn’t like needlessly slaughtering old women?

Descriptions were fine, although it got sort of weird during the battle. Shouldn’t really have those numbers in there. Dialogue was great, especially the Doctor and his comments.

My only issue was trying to determine whether this was really horror or not. Either way, job well done.

-Zavier

Eh.  I like shock humor but slaughtering old women doesn't go particularly far for me.  Not six pages, anyway.  The script had a nice mood to it but in the end it felt like a bit of a waste of time.  

Wasn't badly written though, and great choice of bizarre circumstances.  The concept is hilarious to me.  It's just that old women's arms breaking and men slaughtering old women isn't.

This is the first one I read and I thought it was hilarious.  Well done.

SPOILER

Upon reading it a second time, I found the doctor’s alarmist attitude towards the situation with the old ladies (which lead to excessive/unnecessarily violent methods of dispatching them), to be even funnier since we know that the old ladies mean no physical harm.  Maybe find some way of revealing the intentions of the old ladies (or lack thereof), to the audience just a hair before revealing it to the doctor?  Thus making some of his actions (i.e. “he RAMS his chainsaw into the face of an old lady”) seem even more excessive and absurd?  

This is my first post ever, and I’m very much a newbie in the field of screenwriting, so there is a good chance you’re better off ignoring what I say!  

Thanks for the good read.

Thank God I have Medicare!

As mentioned before, this seemed like a lost episode of "South Park"

While funny it didn't seem scary at all.  Well, unless you find old people scary I suppose.  

Still though a fun (if weird) read that I enjoyed!