hey, i thought this one was really funny (great inserts, especially the 'labor day' one, and jim's wisecracks) and you know the characters well. two things: 1-i think you should try and streamline some of your decription (mainly with the inserts). and i also feel the climax needs more work, maybe punch it up a little more. i was also confused about 'sight for psoriasis'. psoriasiis is a skin condition, but it doesn't cause you to go blind (or, i've never heard of that). other than that i feel this is a tight script, and it's close to being complete |