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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
Hello hello. Very funny script. Few small things...
-Kane's speech on page 4, and Max's last speech is too long. Split it up with something small, even if it's, "Kane takes a sip from a can of coke" in the middle of it. Just to give the old eyes a rest.
-At the start I don't understand why Max is annoyed...
-The interviewer should give a reason why he/she is there. Give it a touch more realism.
-End of page 1. 8 and a half lines of action. Too much. Try to stick to 4 or 5.
-I don't think Elaine would throw the phone away after she realises Max wasn't sending a message. Maybe just chuck it on the table? Also, having Kane pick up his phone and start "texting" straight after... it's a bit soon.
-Loved the 2 girls 1 cup reference. Loved all the dialogue actually. Some REALLY good stuff in there. Similar to The Office. Are you a fan? Or Curb.
This is the type of script I want to write. So well done.