Hi Allan -
Interesting scripts here - the beginnings of a good idea, but in the end was less of a story, and more a case of some isolated incidents connected via the story line. It began as a well structured idea, but didn't know how to conclude itself.
Unfortunately it was badly written, and the dialogue was quite poor, and the descriptions were not what you would expect from a standard script.
p3. VO explanation makes no sense.
p4. Dialogue is cleary the same person - the characters need to be different - i.e not just you thinking for other people - try to get into another person's psych.
I felt that you needed to be less emotionally involved in your script - to be able to stand back a little bit - describe things clearly and with minimum fuss - you should write a script for the benefit of other people, but also show in the script how someone is thinking (so not 'he's never seen the phone before' - write how this is shown).
So some work needed - improve your writing skills etc, as there is potential here.