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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Food For Thought
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  Author    OWC - Food For Thought  (currently 1381 views)
Don
Posted: May 18th, 2010, 11:55pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Food For Thought by John Good - Short, Drama - Two older men, one a vegan and the other a carnivore, argue over which dietary plan is superior. But no matter the preference of diet, the end result is all the same. - pdf, format


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khamanna
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 1:21am Report to Moderator
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hee hee

I'm sorry but I think that's what you wanted to hear. The end is so surreal that it's funny. I laughed.

I also think that Leonard failed to explain why it's bad to exploit animal products - you don't need to kill animals for that... Why? If they argue why don't they go there...
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greg
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 1:57am Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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Hahahaha.

This would have been perfect to read as the final entry.  The debate we've seen in all the other scripts, but this one was pretty amusing, well written, and you stopped at an appropriate time.  The ending was flat-out hilarious.

Not really a drama, but it was humorous and I have to give you props on that ending.  Good job.  


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mcornetto
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 2:14am Report to Moderator
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Was a drama? Well, comedy is technically drama, so ok it was a drama.

Was the theme a discussion about c vs v? Yes it was.

Most importantly this was within the page count - that's so very critical.  

So I guess this met the challenge though you kind of took a cheap and easy way out.

I thought the ending was great but I didn't think it really matched the rest of the script and what they should have been arguing about was exactly what happened in the end.  I don't want to spoil it for anyone so I'm being oblique but I think you get what I mean.  

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grademan
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 11:42am Report to Moderator
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I liked it. A four pager! The ending was funny if a bit abrupt. No drama really and about the fourth one set in a restauRANT.
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Trojan
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 11:55am Report to Moderator
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This was pretty boring but the ending saved it, haha you definitely caught me by surprise with it. Well done.

Cheers,
Tim.
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Dreamscale
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
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Sorry, but I didn't find the end funny at all.

The entire script is once again, 2 talking heads having the same discussion we've been reading again and again.  Totally boring, sorry to say.  I did appreciate 2 "older" characters though and feel that some of their lines were humorous.

Lots of sub par writing on display however.  No need whatsoever for all the "CONTINUED" stuff at the top and bottom of the pages...just wasted space.

Looks to me like this was written very quickly with little or no thought involved.  Not impressed, sorry to say.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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The boy who could fly
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 3:34pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this one, I thought it was pretty cute, but i guess the problem i'm having now is that i'm getting the feeling all the scripts are going to be pretty similar with the same conversation going on, but since that was the theme not much anyone can do.  still this one had a great ending, so good job.


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screenrider
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 3:40pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
Sorry, but I didn't find the end funny at all.

The entire script is once again, 2 talking heads having the same discussion we've been reading again and again.  Totally boring, sorry to say.  I did appreciate 2 "older" characters though and feel that some of their lines were humorous.

Lots of sub par writing on display however.  No need whatsoever for all the "CONTINUED" stuff at the top and bottom of the pages...just wasted space.

Looks to me like this was written very quickly with little or no thought involved.  Not impressed, sorry to say.


I agree.

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Blakkwolfe
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 3:57pm Report to Moderator
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Alright John Good. Too much detail on the introduction. Most have us have been to restaraunts before. Describing the fork, knife and such-not needed. (I am OK with the cloth napkin as opposed to paper, though).

Why does Leonard feel this way? For an 82 year old to be a staunch vegan; seems a bit radical without explanation. Did his great granddaughter turn him on to it or something? He goes to an alternative doctor? How the hell would he even know what a hemp belt was? Does he subscribe to Rolling Stone? High Times?


The ending; eh, saw it coming a mile away. Might have been funnier had the waitress given them cause to croak at the same time, maybe her blouse was unbuttoned just so and "Dreamweaver" was playing in the background.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 4:02pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I didn't really laugh at the end, but I know it was supposed to be funny.

What I like to think is that the argument is what killed them.  

This would work a little better I think if the dialogue was more interesting. But then after reading so much carnie/vegie banter, I guess it's to be expected.

Nice entry.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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pwhitcroft
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 7:37pm Report to Moderator
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I’ll make notes as I go..

I’m going to assume John Good isn’t your real name.

Pg 1 – “In front of each elderly man is a cloth napkin, a fork, knife, and spoon, and a glass of water.” – Is this detail going to be important?

“LEONARD, 82, vegan and KARL, 83, carnivore argue with each other” – Tick the challenge met box.

Pg 2 – Your argument is moving along fine. For me I’m still waiting for the story to begin.

Pg 4 – Nice gag to wrap it up.

Overall there is not much of a story here, but you’ve teed up your ending gag well enough.


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Andrew
Posted: May 20th, 2010, 10:44am Report to Moderator
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Mildly amusing end and it did raise a smile.

Andrew


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Coding Herman
Posted: May 21st, 2010, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
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Hmmm.....don't get why they die at the end.

But really, you need to have a story to accompany the vegan/carnivore dispute. Sorry, I was not engaged by this script at all.


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