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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Happy Ave Moderators: bert
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  Author    Happy Ave  (currently 1476 views)
Posted: December 22nd, 2010, 6:50pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Happy Ave by I. Iacob (zazie) - Series - A corrupted priest with a secret criminal past finds out crucial stock market inside information during confession. He devises a brilliant get rich quickly scheme. A struggle between morality and temptation ensues.  30 pages - doc, format

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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 28th, 2012, 8:11am
revised script
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Posted: May 25th, 2012, 6:32pm Report to Moderator

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It's good. You should make it more of a dramedy. Add some more raunchy humor. I do like it though.
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Posted: May 25th, 2012, 6:46pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Let The Sky Fall

Various, exotic.
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I t may appear to have potential, and visually these is some here, but it's badly written. Check page three - Frankie's dialogue should be Fr. Jacobs. Those smash cuts could simply be a montage. And Fr Jacobs initial dialogue? Not too sure, there. Needs a re-work.
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Posted: May 29th, 2012, 9:44pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while

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It's entertaining and hilarious but as SiColl007 says the formatting could be much better.
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