Noticed there's no reads on this one - maybe to do with the huge block of dialogue that waits to greet the reader on page 1. Only 17 pages to go ... ho hum.
Okay, I know there's some good stuff later on, but I just wanted to start with this:
RAY (55) white Caucasian, wearing an
expensive suite, approaches the podium microphone addressing
-- white and caucasian are the same things, right? But you knew that.
-- and you know the difference between suite and suit, don't you ... ?
-- and the podium microphone wasn't doing the addressing, even though it read like that?
Okay. Got that outta the way.
... 60 pounds overweight
-- maybe just 'overweight' preserves the poor girl's dignity somewhat better?
Right. I finished it. Not too sure what the story is - expected some kind of punch-line, twist, just ... something.
It read fairly well, some grammar issues, tone was fairly nice - but I just don't quite get what the story was trying to tell?