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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Locust Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 1st, 2012, 4:03pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Locust by Collins Okoye - Drama - From the outside Richard, Caroline, and their two children Emma and Andrew are the typical upper middle-class family living in the English countryside, but when a series of unnerving and shocking events befall them in quick succession; Richard begins to suspect it is the handiwork of a mysterious woman who claims to be the victim of a past wrongdoing by him. As his family’s social fabric unravels, the line between delusions and repressed truths become increasingly blurred. 106 pages - pdf, format


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Posted: June 4th, 2012, 3:54pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Found this one quite difficult going - really felt more like an episode of 'Morse' than some thing designed for film - Morse lovers are usually glued to their TV set with half a sherry - not the types to get themselves out to see a good film (I'm stereotyping, I know, but that doesn't mean it's not true ...).

The Britishness of it, though, will weigh it down with problems - the relaxed, obvious exposition, the lengthy scene etc, will limit the appeal that it has for a wide audience. Much of the early pages lack any conflict (hated by the middle-classes, but kinda good in a film).

The writing is good overall - but it comes across a little too much like a novel - quite over-written in places.

You've put in a couple of 'SAME TIME' bits on your mini slugs - they're not really needed as this is implied by the mini.

Okay - I'm on page 12 now, and we've got to the dizzying heights of 'laboured breathing' in the excitement stakes, so I'm going to pull out - I need a nice cup of tea, just to calm down.

Seriously, this may be adaptable to an evening drama, or maybe a radio-play - the dialogue is fairly realistic, and you've certainly caught the sensibilities of the Brit middle classes - but I don't think this is going to have wide-scale appeal outside Blighty.
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