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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
The Cancer Patient by Alonzo Milbourne - Drama - Cancer kills millions of people a year. This is story of boy meets girl. The pain love and change of two people. A single father has to raise a daughter. 96 pages - pdf, format
Your log-line needs work. This is a good premise for a drama. But, like said above, you must hook the reader? This is why you must read my script. This is what happens. Yours is a little too vague, and to be honest, could be written better.
I went into it with hope.
Like Renee said, you don't open a spec like that. She explained the proper, correct way to do so.
The first page was boring, bland, and pretty dull. In a screenplay, you need to capture the reader's attention as soon as possible. You failed to do this. It was boring, had grammar mistakes, and the dialogue needs work. Your characters are not robots. They are REAL people, so make it sound that way. And make it interesting enugh for people to read on.
This needs a lot of work. I didn't really get a feel in the script that you yourself, were even into writing it.
Don't give up though. Consider revising and editing. And taking this constructive advice on board. Good luck
"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."