SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 13th, 2025, 3:01am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The July 2025 One Week Challenge Theme is up!


Submit to SimplyScripts.com/OWC

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Aiding The Enemy Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 13 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Aiding The Enemy  (currently 2090 views)
Don
Posted: August 24th, 2012, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17385
Posts Per Day
1.95
Aiding The Enemy by Peg Tittle - Short - Aiding the Enemy (short drama 15min) - When Private Ann Jones faces execution for “aiding the enemy,” she points to American weapons manufacturers who sell to whatever country is in the market.  12 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Pale Yellow
Posted: August 24th, 2012, 10:09pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
2098
Posts Per Day
1.07
Took a look at this.

The log needs some work IMO.

The script reads fairly well. One thing I noticed is that all the people you tried to intro in that first paragraph ..most of them could be eliminated by a description of them as a whole. Since most of them are not speaking, and we don't learn more about them, it is confusing to the reader ...who may think they will have to remember all of those names.

The story was pretty good. I feel like the end could've been done differently. I usually don't like flashbacks, but you used them well here and it provided a clear visual of what took place that got your main to this predicament.

Decent little story here. Enjoyed the read.

py
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
danbotha
Posted: August 27th, 2012, 1:19am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wellington, New Zealand
Posts
700
Posts Per Day
0.14
Hey Peg,

I'm going to hold back most of my in-depth comments for now, until you make an appearance.

What I will say is, this... I did like this. I appreciate what you were going for with the story. It's a sensitive topic and I thought you handled it without too many graphic scenes. You didn't overkill the rape parts.

The writing needs quite a bit of work. It's way overwritten in some places. As for the dialogue, good. You seem to have a clear understanding of how conversations work and you managed to avoid awkward lines.

I have more, but I'll share if/when you make an appearance on the boards. Just send a pm

Dan


Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006