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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  A Time for Vengence Moderators: bert
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  Author    A Time for Vengence  (currently 1138 views)
Don
Posted: March 7th, 2013, 1:40pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Time for Vengence by Dustin Wilkins - Action, Adventure - A father is thrown into the mexican underworld when his daughter is kidnapped by a drug cartel. 97 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Forgive
Posted: March 7th, 2013, 4:51pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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I'm getting a damaged PDF here as well? But at least in the PDF title you spelled 'Vengeance' correctly.
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Don
Posted: March 7th, 2013, 6:17pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fixed


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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crookedowl
Posted: March 7th, 2013, 7:15pm Report to Moderator
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Dustin,

First thing that caught my eye was the formatting. Get some formatting software (like Celtx or Trelby, both free). It'll make life easier.

Your opening V.O. is pretty cheesy, to be honest.

Typos throughout...

Improper character intros. When you mention "The Soldiers" for the first time, you need to write it in all caps.

Avoid camera directions. Just write action as it happens.

Some unfilmables... you say Cody has seen at least four battles, but there's no way of knowing this in if we're watching it on screen.

Some passive verbiage here and there. "Cody is talking" would be "Cody talks", for example. Keep it active.

I'm going to be honest here, this is in pretty rough shape. I'm not entirely sure you're even around to hear my notes, so I'll stop here until you do show up.

Sorry to be harsh... fix the formatting and take my notes into consideration, and keep at it. Hope this helps.

Will
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Forgive
Posted: March 7th, 2013, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Cheers for the fix.

Yeah - not a regular here, so I'm not going to read to far into this.

In brief - what crookedowl said. There's lot of issues here, and if your around they can be fixed.
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