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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Ciaran De Bergerac Moderators: bert
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  Author    Ciaran De Bergerac  (currently 1225 views)
Don
Posted: March 5th, 2014, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Ciaran De Bergerac by Anthony Cawood - Short, Comedy, Drama - A techno twist on the classic tale - star crossed lovers meet in a cafe for a first date but can Ciaran overcome his nerves? - pdf, format

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

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Don  -  March 13th, 2017, 10:15am
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wonkavite
Posted: March 9th, 2014, 9:48am Report to Moderator
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Hi Anthony -

Interesting take on the Cyrano story.  (Believe me, if there's anyone on this board who knows Cyrano backwards and forewards, it's me.)  Honestly, I wish I'd thought of this twist myself.  

I do think you could do more with premise - alot of the banter between Ciaran and Josie is too mundane - IMO, I'd have him trip up more, in spectacular and embarassing ways, due to Harry's sabotague.

One other thing - I don't know if this was intentional, but you've basically switched the Cyrano and Christian characters.  I'd suggest *maybe* having Christian/Harry be the bumbling fool... and Ciaran in the background, to more closely mirror the play (while still giving it your modern spin, and letting Cyrano win this one.)

My three cents.  Great idea, definitely.  
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 15th, 2014, 5:56pm Report to Moderator
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Hi wonkavite

Thanks for the feedback and glad you liked it.

In terms of mundane banter - I was going for something that I thought felt plausible between the characters, but I'll have another look and see if I can spice it up a little.

Swapping the characters was intentional, a twist from the original, my feeling was that this would be an interesting point of difference for those familiar with the source.

Once again thanks for the comments, much appreciated.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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NickJolly
Posted: July 18th, 2014, 10:27pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Anthony,

Did enjoy the the overall direction but think the dialogue (as Wonkavite said)

should be like a fast moving train wreck.  Maybe having A female on a date with

a male friend fake helping her out will get people to believe in the reality of the conversation

even more making the twist, possibly, more satisfying to viewers.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 19th, 2014, 5:48pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Nick and thanks for another read - really appreciated.

Have altered this one, mostly dialogue changes and now have two sets of film makers hoping to film in next couple of months - on in US, one in Italy. Be interesting to see what happens.

Many thanks

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 13th, 2018, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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After about 3 false starts with this script, and one unreleasable filmed attempt, this script is being filmed in India this month... fingers crossed for a less troubled production!  


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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