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 The Startling Exploits of Calico Bash (currently 1798 views) |
| Don |
| Posted: April 19th, 2014, 7:14am |
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AdministratorAdministrator  So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts13562 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
The Startling Exploits of Calico Bash by Michael Donovan Horn - Action, Adventure - When the enigmatic Mister Blank springs amoral bounty hunter Calico Bash from death row, he has one request: kill five criminals threatening the country. But with the world's deadliest inventions in the criminal's hands, will Calico live to enjoy her freedom? 113 pages - pdf, format  |
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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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| TonyDionisio |
| Posted: April 19th, 2014, 10:01am |
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Regular  Damnit, get to the point!
LocationNew York Posts773 Posts Per Day 0.32 |
I recall this script from last year. Great read. Looking quickly at this rewrite I notice more CAPS and underlines... why? I also recall the author never showing up last year either.
The original was a good example of action writing.
Tony. |
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| MichaelDonovanHorn |
| Posted: April 21st, 2014, 7:28pm |
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Hey Tony,
Thanks for reading. Caps are for sounds, per industry standard, as are underlines to point out important info.
My changes make Calico less wooden and so her character arch is more pronounced, otherwise it's pretty much the same, as you saw. |
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| TonyDionisio |
| Posted: April 22nd, 2014, 8:14am |
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Regular Damnit, get to the point!
LocationNew York Posts773 Posts Per Day 0.32 |
Hey Tony,
Thanks for reading. Caps are for sounds, per industry standard, as are underlines to point out important info.
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I think you are hurting the read here. Page 1has GUARD YAWNS. Do we really need that emphasized? Coughing? Caps are fine for character introductions and maybe important items/scene changes in spec scripts. Anything else I would save for a shooting script to assist staff. You are taking a risk turning off potential readers especially with the underlines. I'm curious what other board members think. Tony |
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| Dustin |
| Posted: April 22nd, 2014, 8:59am |
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Of The Ancients  Action speaks louder...
Posts5199 Posts Per Day 2.12 |
I agree with Tony. Underlines only belong in dialogue to emphasise... but today it is fine to use italics. Again though, this isn't something one should overuse. |
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| wonkavite |
| Posted: April 23rd, 2014, 9:46pm |
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Haven't opened it (yet.) But one observation: love the title.  --J (W) |
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Reply: 5 - 10 |
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| TonyDionisio |
| Posted: April 23rd, 2014, 11:04pm |
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Regular Damnit, get to the point!
LocationNew York Posts773 Posts Per Day 0.32 |
Quoted from wonkavite Haven't opened it (yet.) But one observation: love the title. --J (W) |
Too long to fit on a billboard marquee.  |
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| MichaelDonovanHorn |
| Posted: May 2nd, 2014, 10:57am |
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Tony, Thanks for the input, but I think Harrison Ford, George Lucas and Steve Spielberg might disagree. |
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Reply: 7 - 10 |
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| MichaelDonovanHorn |
| Posted: May 2nd, 2014, 10:58am |
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I agree with Tony. Underlines only belong in dialogue to emphasise... but today it is fine to use italics. Again though, this isn't something one should overuse. |
Dustin, thanks for commenting. I'll take it under consideration. |
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| PatrickP |
| Posted: May 18th, 2014, 7:47pm |
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From the first few pages I think the dialogue is smooth and natural, I'll try to finish it tonight. |
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| MichaelDonovanHorn |
| Posted: June 20th, 2014, 3:55pm |
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Hey guys.
I took out the underlines and fixed the formatting a little. Might repost it again with changes.
Gonna query this thing like mad over the next few months and see what I get. Wish me luck.
Mike! |
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