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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  The Startling Exploits of Calico Bash Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Startling Exploits of Calico Bash  (currently 1798 views)
Don
Posted: April 19th, 2014, 7:14am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Startling Exploits of Calico Bash by Michael Donovan Horn - Action, Adventure - When the enigmatic Mister Blank springs amoral bounty hunter Calico Bash from death row, he has one request: kill five criminals threatening the country.  But with the world's deadliest inventions in the criminal's hands, will Calico live to enjoy her freedom? 113 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: April 19th, 2014, 10:01am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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I recall this script from last year. Great read. Looking quickly at this rewrite I notice more CAPS and underlines... why? I also recall the author never showing up last year either.

The original was a good example of action writing.

Tony.
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MichaelDonovanHorn
Posted: April 21st, 2014, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Tony,

Thanks for reading.  Caps are for sounds, per industry standard, as are underlines to point out important info.

My changes make Calico less wooden and so her character arch is more pronounced, otherwise it's pretty much the same, as you saw.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: April 22nd, 2014, 8:14am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from MichaelDonovanHorn
Hey Tony,

Thanks for reading.  Caps are for sounds, per industry standard, as are underlines to point out important info.


I think you are hurting the read here. Page 1has GUARD YAWNS. Do we really need that  emphasized? Coughing? Caps are fine for character introductions and maybe important items/scene changes in spec scripts. Anything else I would save for a shooting script to assist staff.

You are taking a risk turning off potential readers especially with the underlines. I'm curious what other board members think.

Tony

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Dustin
Posted: April 22nd, 2014, 8:59am Report to Moderator
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Action speaks louder...

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I agree with Tony. Underlines only belong in dialogue to emphasise... but today it is fine to use italics. Again though, this isn't something one should overuse.


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wonkavite
Posted: April 23rd, 2014, 9:46pm Report to Moderator
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Haven't opened it (yet.)  But one observation: love the title.  

--J (W)
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TonyDionisio
Posted: April 23rd, 2014, 11:04pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from wonkavite
Haven't opened it (yet.)  But one observation: love the title.  

--J (W)


Too long to fit on a billboard marquee.  
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MichaelDonovanHorn
Posted: May 2nd, 2014, 10:57am Report to Moderator
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Tony,

Thanks for the input, but I think Harrison Ford, George Lucas and Steve Spielberg might disagree.
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MichaelDonovanHorn
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Quoted from Dustin
I agree with Tony. Underlines only belong in dialogue to emphasise... but today it is fine to use italics. Again though, this isn't something one should overuse.


Dustin, thanks for commenting.  I'll take it under consideration.
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PatrickP
Posted: May 18th, 2014, 7:47pm Report to Moderator
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From the first few pages I think the dialogue is smooth and natural, I'll try to finish it tonight.
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MichaelDonovanHorn
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Hey guys.

I took out the underlines and fixed the formatting a little.  Might repost it again with changes.

Gonna query this thing like mad over the next few months and see what I get.  Wish me luck.

Mike!
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