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Loved the log, read the first 5 and didn't laugh. The dialog is on the nose, and I think those first two scenes would be better with more show than speak. I may skip ahead later when I have time, bc the premise grabbed me.
Hey guys, wow didn't expect the feedback. Yeah this was actually written in a month, and I lost my entire page of improvements (I don't save enough apparently) so this is basically the vomit draft. It was basically bordering the line between drama and comedy, so I put it here under my discretion.
I definitely feel you Bogey, the amount of exposition I put in the beginning pages is pretty ridiculous. I do some visual cues and things like that later on, but I just feel like sometimes I've spent enough time doing something it ceases to be reasonably entertaining, so I just stuff it into dialogue. It's a problem I have that I'm trying to fix.
Thank you guys for liking that logline, if you have more time to check it out I'd love that, in return I'll read whatever you guys have. I've been waiting for it to be posted for a while, glad it's finally on here.
This is the first screenplay I've sent out to the world, and it's pretty amateur, but at least the premise is a hook. I'm especially disappointed in my ending and a bit of the second act, but you guys can tell me how you feel.