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Down the Devil's Road by Liam McCann - Thriller - Jack is a washed-up ex-con who's determined to go straight and reconcile with his family. That is until he's framed as an accessory for a murder at a convenience store. Down the Devil's Road is a fast-paced and twisting thriller about a man seeking to overturn a gross injustice. He must also learn to trust his instincts...and himself. 117 pages - pdf, format
Got to page 30. It's written well. A couple of confusing things. The first hardly worth mentioning - but that's what sites like these are for, right?
Your general convention for changing rooms in a building is like going from the
LIVING ROOM
To the
HALLWAY
But on page 3 people just go into the kitchen to the hallway etc. Might as well keep it consistent throughout.
The second thing is worth mentioning. This exchange of dialogue is confusing -
FIRST HEAVY You’re not in a position to be making threats, Mr Taylor.
JACK The name’s Jack, asshole.
SECOND HEAVY Unusual surname.
FIRST HEAVY I prefer to keep things formal.
JACK Sorry. Fuck you... Sir.
I don't get the unusual surname at all. Unless you're saying Taylor - a very common name - is unusual? Not sure - but it needs looking at.
3rd thing, when Jack says -
JACK That watch was a gift.
It comes out of nowhere. You don't mention his watch being taken or him missing it - unless I've missed something.
I'm not so into conventional cops and robbers - so I stopped there. The struggling old criminal alcoholic trying to go straight is also well worn. Not saying it doesn't work. But I was looking for something deeper and it didn't come in the first 30 - but maybe it does later.