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Christmas Dinner (currently 1138 views)
Don
Posted: January 20th, 2017, 6:25pm
Administrator Administrator
So, what are you writing?
Location Virginia
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Christmas Dinner by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who leads him to a much needed Christmas Dinner. 7 apges - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
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Kirsten
Posted: January 22nd, 2017, 8:58pm
January Project Group
Giving up is not an option....
Location Kiwi in Ohio
Posts 373
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Hi Richard, great writing, great dialogue...easy to follow, cool story....
"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!".... 'What we do in the Shadows.'
Reply: 1 - 7
Fausto
Posted: January 23rd, 2017, 11:05am
New
Location New Jersey
Posts 193
Posts Per Day 0.06
Hi Richard, excellent story! Excellent dialogue! I wish you the best with it. Fausto
Reply: 2 - 7
SAC
Posted: January 26th, 2017, 10:36pm
Of The Ancients
… but some dreams do
Location Upstate NY
Posts 3228
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Fantastic story, Richard! I loved this. It'll take some doing to get this made but it'd be worth it, I feel. You really capture a mood here - not so much the Christmas spirit, but a sense of belonging that can only be brought about by lonelinness. And the Christmas angle only serves to make it that much more powerful, more touching. Excellent job here! Steve
Reply: 3 - 7
jayrex
Posted: January 27th, 2017, 6:30am
Old Timer
Cut to three weeks earlier
Location London, UK
Posts 1419
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Nice story Richard, heartwarming. All the best, JT
Reply: 4 - 7
LC
Posted: January 27th, 2017, 6:53am
Administrator Location The Great Southern Land
Posts 7862
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Been a while, Jayrex...
Welcome back.
Logged
Reply: 5 - 7
Steven
Posted: February 2nd, 2017, 10:11am
New
Location Southern California
Posts 466
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Damn, that was good. The dialogue between Roy and the waitress seems like someone who has actually spent time in these small diners in the middle of nowhere. My ONLY critique, which is super minor, would be that Roy doesn't actually say "Damn fool forgot his bag." Instead, write an action line where he notices the bag still on the seat. I've always had this thing about characters talking to themselves while no one else is around, ONLY to provide some exposition to the audience. If he trips on the way out of the truck, and says "shit," well that's acceptable. But if he says "I'll gotta watch my footing," that's wrong. But yea, really dug it.
Reply: 6 - 7
RichardR
Posted: February 4th, 2017, 11:06am
Posts 888
Posts Per Day 0.25
All, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. This one came about because my sister said I never write a happy story. It was kind of a challenge. So, I guess it works. My sister thanks you. Best Richard
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