The Cell by Kamren Bell - Short, Drama - A young girl finds herself in an unfamiliar situation with only a fragmented memory and a surly confidant to help her piece together the the night before. Even if she can remember, will she confront the demons that come with the memories? 8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Kamren,

The ending is missing...

I like that the story keeps us guessing..good way to keep the reader hooked.
I found it a little over done with the use of unfilmables.  There's too many written thoughts. These  need to be translated into visible actions. If you look up unfilmables it should give you an idea of how to avoid them.

There are errors with the parentheticals.
I found this on line......"A Parenthetical remark is NOT centered under the character name. A renthetical remark can be an attitude, verbal direction or action direction for the actor who is speaking the part. Parentheticals should be short, to the point, descriptive, and only used when absolutely necessary."

I liked the woman in the cell with her. Well I like the character development. She adds to the story.

Anyway, hopefully you get to repost this with the ending...let me know when you do!

Some notes.

This one has more than a few problems with English.  I'm guessing it's not your first language.  the work needs a good edit.  And I second the note about the wrylies.  Good formatting is a must.

There is a lot of description about things that can't be reduced to film.  Think in terms of what your audience can see and hear.  Not so much about what is going on inside a character's head.  Thoughts don't translate well on film.  Action always does.

There is no ending on this one, and there should be.  Half a story isn't half a story, it's nothing.  So, read some more scripts, firm up the formatting, and give us what we can see and hear.

Best
Richard