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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Banger'z Moderators: bert
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  Author    Banger'z  (currently 676 views)
Posted: May 19th, 2017, 6:37pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Banger'z by Bernard Mersier - Drama - Caught up between his friends claiming “Crip” and his sister trying to join the “Blood gang” a teenage male has to make life changing decisions. 114 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  June 3rd, 2019, 5:10pm
revised darft
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Flossy Freeman
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:59pm Report to Moderator

Georgia, y'all!
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Hi - interesting concept, but the action slugs were WAY too long.  I couldn't get past the first few pages.  I guess I'm learning as I'm reading, if you open a script, you're not expecting to read a novella - also can't budget time  w/1 page = 1 minute.  Clean up almost all of your action lines and maybe others will read through?  Keep VO to a very minimal and shorten your dialogue or break it up with banter - but mainly, get ahold of those action lines.  It's very important - esp.  since this would be an action film.  Hope this helps - Gina
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