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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Unbreakable Bond Moderators: bert
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  Author    Unbreakable Bond  (currently 852 views)
Don
Posted: June 24th, 2017, 6:27pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Unbreakable Bond by Bernard Mersier - Drama - Childhood friends make a pact through thick and thin they'll remain friends. 80 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  June 3rd, 2019, 5:09pm
revised draft
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Patrick
Posted: June 25th, 2017, 1:02pm Report to Moderator
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The water mark needs to go. Keep the title to 12 point courier, your opening dialogue is V.O a big no, no. As it can be seen as lazy writing. Your discriptions, are long less is more. This requires a lot of reading. A potential producer will get board quckly and pass.


Patrick J Gillespie
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eldave1
Posted: June 25th, 2017, 2:01pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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I actually like Bernard's stuff - at least the few pages I have read on other works. But I am simply not going to deal with the watermarks.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Don
Posted: March 15th, 2018, 4:49pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The watermark was removed for easy reading.

- Don


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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