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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Do You Know Where You Are? Moderators: bert
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  Author    Do You Know Where You Are?  (currently 916 views)
Don
Posted: March 4th, 2018, 9:31pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Do You Know Where You Are? by Daniel Blake - Horror - Five friends find them selves in a spiritual battle between good and bad. 113 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: March 5th, 2018, 3:55pm Report to Moderator
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Daniel: Sorry - but there are too many errors on the first two pages to comment. The format is way, way off. Take a look at a few scripts and start again.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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JordanB
Posted: March 7th, 2018, 5:04am Report to Moderator
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I agree with Eldave.
If you’re passionate about your story, learn formatting by reading scripts and simply format this accordingly.
113 pages is a good effort if there’s a story here. Good luck
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DanielB
Posted: February 17th, 2020, 3:26pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for your feedback, much appreciated. I apologize you were only able to get to the second page before passing judgement on the work. Sounds more like a second grade teacher reading the first two questions and not grading the whole test, laziness? Maybe more of an advertising stunt. If you’re into horror and can excuse my “errors”, I encourage you to read “Do you know where you are?” You may find the story entertaining and scary.
I will work on the structure, formatting, and clean up those mistakes.
-all the best  
djsonnyb.com
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Max Ruddock
Posted: February 17th, 2020, 3:37pm Report to Moderator
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I don't think it has anything do with laziness. If anything he did well... I couldn't make it past the first page.
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eldave1
Posted: February 17th, 2020, 3:38pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanielB
Thanks for your feedback, much appreciated. I apologize you were only able to get to the second page before passing judgement on the work. Sounds more like a second grade teacher reading the first two questions and not grading the whole test, laziness? Maybe more of an advertising stunt. If you’re into horror and can excuse my “errors”, I encourage you to read “Do you know where you are?” You may find the story entertaining and scary.
I will work on the structure, formatting, and clean up those mistakes.
-all the best  
djsonnyb.com


Yeah, we're the lazy ones.

You wait two years after someone comments on your script to respond.

Then you insult the commenters (lazy? advertising stunt?.

Dude, the script is a train wreck. No one is going to read it in it's current shape. It's not close to being in the correct format for this medium.  At least not the version you have posted here. Have you done anything in those two years to correct it?




My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: February 17th, 2020, 3:49pm Report to Moderator
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Daniel, do you know where you are?

This comment is ******* annoying. Teachers get paid to mark bullshit, we don't. Were simply writers trying to give and receive help.

What's lazy is not bothering to learn proper format and expect others to read on regardless.
If you have neglected to even put the title on the title page, what have you neglected in the story?
If you don't know how to write I highly doubt you know how to piece together a satisfying story.

Fyi, producers will do exactly what the other readers have done and bail on page 1


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Dustin
Posted: February 17th, 2020, 4:47pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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2nd Grade is too good for this script. I'd go for kindergarten.


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Kirsten
Posted: February 18th, 2020, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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Giving up is not an option....

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Us slaves are just preparing you for the real world of screenwriting.... if you can't take the heat on SS you won't survive long out there.


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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