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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Alone
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  Author    Alone  (currently 164 views)
Don
Posted: October 27th, 2018, 11:22am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Alone by Kate Afable - Short, Drama - Two introverts who wants to connect in real life. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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jayrex
Posted: October 27th, 2018, 12:24pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Gave this a read as itís got the same title as one of mine.

Itís okay.  Youíve managed to convey the characterís loneliness.

I wouldnít write the word intelligent as you canít see this.  You also donít have to write about the previous scene when Alice bumps into Harry when weíre following Harry.  I get it without the helpful note.

I do wonder if the characters are lonely in the end.  Was it a daydream by Harry?  I think so when Alice looks up and heís disappeared.  Iím just not sure.

The overall ending.  Not sure about the way it ended.  A good start.  I feel the ending could be stronger.

All the best.


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