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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Bob's Burgers: The Space Next Door Moderators: bert
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  Author    Bob's Burgers: The Space Next Door  (currently 241 views)
Don
Posted: November 17th, 2018, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bob's Burgers: The Space Next Door by Clark Ratliff - Series, Comedy - When Bob considers expanding, it is without his family. 36 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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eldave1
Posted: November 18th, 2018, 11:50am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Clark - you're not adhering to the most basic format/rules. Just from the first 1/4 of the opening page.


Quoted Text
From opening credits a van and two men get out to take
the sign off the space next door.


You need a scene heading. MEN should be capped and some description would be good.



Quoted Text
INT. BOBíS BURGERS


Need DAY or NIGHT at the and of the header.

Some description of this place needed.


Quoted Text
Linda has her face pressed up against their store window
looking next door.


Character intros need to be CAPPED - character needs an age/description.

Real basic stuff - read a few scripts. Google a bit (e.g., scene headings)


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Clark
Posted: November 18th, 2018, 11:51pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks. I'm still trying to learn all the correct ways. My hopes in posting is to find a collaborator. I have an alphabet of learning disabilities to where I may never be perfect, so I'm hoping to find someone who 'completes me'. This work is what I would bring to the table and hopefully the right person can take what I have and help me shape it to be right. I'm open to feed back and the overall if you like it or not with warts and all so to speak.    
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Clark
Posted: November 19th, 2018, 12:09am Report to Moderator
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Also, I'm working on a Fantastic Four script. I know we can't post here till it's done. I'd love a chance to share it with anyone and get feedback and a read. Does anyone know of sites you can post unfinished works? I knew of a couple a few years ago but they seem to have ended.
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eldave1
Posted: November 19th, 2018, 1:10pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Quoted from Clark
Also, I'm working on a Fantastic Four script. I know we can't post here till it's done. I'd love a chance to share it with anyone and get feedback and a read. Does anyone know of sites you can post unfinished works? I knew of a couple a few years ago but they seem to have ended.


I am not aware of any sites that serve that purpose.

You may find some valuable information in the screenwriting class thread on this board.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Warren
Posted: November 19th, 2018, 3:26pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Clark
Also, I'm working on a Fantastic Four script. I know we can't post here till it's done. I'd love a chance to share it with anyone and get feedback and a read. Does anyone know of sites you can post unfinished works? I knew of a couple a few years ago but they seem to have ended.


You can post it here in the Work in Progess section.



To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

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