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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  A Residual Haunting Moderators: bert
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  Author    A Residual Haunting  (currently 1085 views)
Don
Posted: April 15th, 2019, 12:42pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Residual Haunting by Roberto Negron - Horror - A dysfunctional married couple end up getting tormented and picked on by the spirit of their estranged son who is still alive. 112 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  July 7th, 2019, 1:14pm
revised draft
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Busy Little Bee
Posted: June 28th, 2019, 7:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, Roberto

Descriptive protag(s) in a logline is always good. The second half reads awakward. It's in the passive voice. Also, I'm not sure how quickly they find out the spirit is their son who turns out to be alive, but it sounds like a sizable revelation that may be better suited for just the script and just hinted at in the logline, unless there are more/bigger revelations to come.

I'll give the firs ten a look and see where it takes me.

BLB


Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
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RolandJ
Posted: October 12th, 2019, 2:29am Report to Moderator
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You have lots of dialogue. You might want to try and show the action instead of so much dialogue. But otherwise a good premise.
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