SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is May 26th, 2019, 11:31am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Writers' Tournament is back...


The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Garbage Day
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Garbage Day  (currently 96 views)
Don
Posted: May 10th, 2019, 5:00pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12993
Posts Per Day
1.94
Garbage Day! by Hank Biro - Short, Sci Fi - A bad batch of vaccinations are dispensed to the public, causing children to transform into monsters. The government instates a temporary program that will supply the affected families with food in the form of trash.  11 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  May 13th, 2019, 1:09pm
revised draft
Logged
Site Private Message
Shekinah
Posted: May 13th, 2019, 1:54pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Location
Qo'Nos
Posts
7
Posts Per Day
0.30
I have no idea what I just read, and I’m not sure if I liked it or not…mostly I’m just confused.

“Two garbage men drive their truck full of rich-people trash towards the trash dissolving plant.” How does the person watching this know it’s “rich-people” trash?

Why are people obsessed over trash? Maybe I missed it, but it wasn’t clear to me at all, just from reading the script. It doesn’t really make sense, if there’s stuff that is thrown into the trash that means they still have a somewhat steady supply of what they’re throwing away, so why are they reduced to stealing trash?

How is the viewer (audience) supposed to connect that the monster at the end is Lorne? In your description you describe something that in no way resembles a human being, so how does the audience recognize him? Is he wearing some kind of necklace? Tattoo? How do we identify it as Lorne?

Is there a connection between kids becoming monsters and people stealing trash?

Why did they explode the sports complex with the kids inside? That’s a pretty insane move, all the parents I know would die for their kids in a heartbeat, it would take a lot for them to blow up their kids so they must have a big, earth-shaking reason….what is that reason? It’s not given in the script.

(Side note: It might be just me, but the fighting scene in the colosseum  seems much longer than any other scene, I admit I ended up just skimming to the end of it, it felt like a lot...)

Hopefully you'll find this feedback helpful!



I know I'm an amateur, and now you do too!   

Best regards,
                
            Shekinah
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006