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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Garbage Day
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  Author    Garbage Day  (currently 96 views)
Posted: May 10th, 2019, 5:00pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Garbage Day! by Hank Biro - Short, Sci Fi - A bad batch of vaccinations are dispensed to the public, causing children to transform into monsters. The government instates a temporary program that will supply the affected families with food in the form of trash.  11 pages - pdf format

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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  May 13th, 2019, 1:09pm
revised draft
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Posted: May 13th, 2019, 1:54pm Report to Moderator

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I have no idea what I just read, and I’m not sure if I liked it or not…mostly I’m just confused.

“Two garbage men drive their truck full of rich-people trash towards the trash dissolving plant.” How does the person watching this know it’s “rich-people” trash?

Why are people obsessed over trash? Maybe I missed it, but it wasn’t clear to me at all, just from reading the script. It doesn’t really make sense, if there’s stuff that is thrown into the trash that means they still have a somewhat steady supply of what they’re throwing away, so why are they reduced to stealing trash?

How is the viewer (audience) supposed to connect that the monster at the end is Lorne? In your description you describe something that in no way resembles a human being, so how does the audience recognize him? Is he wearing some kind of necklace? Tattoo? How do we identify it as Lorne?

Is there a connection between kids becoming monsters and people stealing trash?

Why did they explode the sports complex with the kids inside? That’s a pretty insane move, all the parents I know would die for their kids in a heartbeat, it would take a lot for them to blow up their kids so they must have a big, earth-shaking reason….what is that reason? It’s not given in the script.

(Side note: It might be just me, but the fighting scene in the colosseum  seems much longer than any other scene, I admit I ended up just skimming to the end of it, it felt like a lot...)

Hopefully you'll find this feedback helpful!

I know I'm an amateur, and now you do too!   

Best regards,
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