SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 15th, 2019, 6:06pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The August/September Challenge has begun!

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Hey Sarah
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Hey Sarah  (currently 79 views)
Don
Posted: August 30th, 2019, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13257
Posts Per Day
1.95
Hey Sarah by Dominick Ottone - Short, Drama - {no logline}  7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
cbead
Posted: August 31st, 2019, 8:30am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

Location
Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
Posts
140
Posts Per Day
0.10
Hi Dominick

I enjoyed the premise and the script  But there were some very frequent grammatical errors in this, including the overuse of capitals, which made the piece a bit frustrating to read in places.

Not sure if the interlude with the friend in the shady neighbourhood added anything to the script.

Some redundant actions like:  "He doesn’t know WHAT to say."... and: "pulls out the bedazzled cellphone he got from Larry"

Good luck with it. CB




Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Lightfoot
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 12:44pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Location
London, Ontario
Posts
340
Posts Per Day
0.08
This was a decent little story.

Sounds a bit odd when you used water and rain to describe characters wiping tears away.

Was hoping to know what happened to Sarah. Did she dies from illness .... from an accident? Did Jordan have a part to play in here death, did he cause it somehow?

If possible, perhaps have a flashback at the end that shows what happened while we hear Jordan's message to her phone.
Logged Online
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006