SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 4th, 2020, 4:03pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration

The Se7en Week Challenge script are due to March 2020 Challenge page by April 20th at midnight (edt)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Your Face is Killing Me
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Your Face is Killing Me  (currently 68 views)
Don
Posted: March 19th, 2020, 5:11pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13556
Posts Per Day
1.93
Your Face is Killing Me by Jason K. Allen - Short, Comedy, Romantic Comedy - A shallow young man decides to break up with his beautiful, kindhearted girlfriend because of her occasional unattractive facial expression. 4 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
spesh2k
Posted: Today, 1:34am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Harlem USA
Posts
512
Posts Per Day
0.12
Hey Jason,

I really liked this -- drew comparisons to Seinfeld stuff -- the "Man Hands" episode and the episode where Jerry's date interest looks attractive only w/ the right lighting. Also, "Shallow Hal" with Jason Alexander's character focusing on his ridiculously hot girlfriend's weird toe.

Now, at first I thought this was a bit superficial -- your male lead is very superficial. But it felt a little misogynistic. Though, when everything came around with your lead, I was satisfied. He got what he deserved and was (SPOILER ALERT) dumped for the same exact reason he was thinking about dumping his girlfriend.

I do think the dialogue could've been more creative and naturalistic, specifically at the beginning between the two dudes. As is, the dialogue is just pretty much only there to push narrative. I think you can get some better laughs with some solid one-liners/jokes en route to the punchline.

-- Michael


MY FEATURE FILMS:

THE SUICIDE THEORY (79% Rotten Tomato Score, Available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Youtube, etc) - https://youtu.be/5eaXXOKJvtg

RAGE (coming late 2020/early 2021) - https://youtu.be/lgLdAdoGCEY

Visit my website to see more of my produced work![b] http://michaeljkospiah.mystrikingly.com/

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
LC
Posted: Today, 4:01am Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
3898
Posts Per Day
0.93
This one says Jason doesn't require comments - For Production Consideration only.

I think Zack was going to email Jason with regard to the same issue i.e.,  becoming active on the boards etc.

I saw another of Jason's scripts where it said he welcomed comments so Michael, I'll leave your comments up for a while until otherwise clarified by Don, or Jason himself.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
spesh2k
Posted: Today, 5:18am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Harlem USA
Posts
512
Posts Per Day
0.12
Yeah, I saw another one of his scripts up, said it was open for feedback. Guess I just saw the author's name and assumed they wanted feedback for this one, too.


MY FEATURE FILMS:

THE SUICIDE THEORY (79% Rotten Tomato Score, Available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Youtube, etc) - https://youtu.be/5eaXXOKJvtg

RAGE (coming late 2020/early 2021) - https://youtu.be/lgLdAdoGCEY

Visit my website to see more of my produced work![b] http://michaeljkospiah.mystrikingly.com/

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006