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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Your Face is Killing Me
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  Author    Your Face is Killing Me  (currently 583 views)
Don
Posted: March 19th, 2020, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Your Face is Killing Me by Jason K. Allen - Short, Comedy, Romantic Comedy - A shallow young man decides to break up with his beautiful, kindhearted girlfriend because of her occasional unattractive facial expression. 4 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required


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spesh2k
Posted: April 4th, 2020, 2:34am Report to Moderator
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Hey Jason,

I really liked this -- drew comparisons to Seinfeld stuff -- the "Man Hands" episode and the episode where Jerry's date interest looks attractive only w/ the right lighting. Also, "Shallow Hal" with Jason Alexander's character focusing on his ridiculously hot girlfriend's weird toe.

Now, at first I thought this was a bit superficial -- your male lead is very superficial. But it felt a little misogynistic. Though, when everything came around with your lead, I was satisfied. He got what he deserved and was (SPOILER ALERT) dumped for the same exact reason he was thinking about dumping his girlfriend.

I do think the dialogue could've been more creative and naturalistic, specifically at the beginning between the two dudes. As is, the dialogue is just pretty much only there to push narrative. I think you can get some better laughs with some solid one-liners/jokes en route to the punchline.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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LC
Posted: April 4th, 2020, 5:01am Report to Moderator
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This one says Jason doesn't require comments - For Production Consideration only.

I think Zack was going to email Jason with regard to the same issue i.e.,  becoming active on the boards etc.

I saw another of Jason's scripts where it said he welcomed comments so Michael, I'll leave your comments up for a while until otherwise clarified by Don, or Jason himself.



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spesh2k
Posted: April 4th, 2020, 6:18am Report to Moderator
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Yeah, I saw another one of his scripts up, said it was open for feedback. Guess I just saw the author's name and assumed they wanted feedback for this one, too.


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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