Let 'er Rip by John Staats (JEStaats) writing as Weak Won - Short, Drama, Historical - An outlaw’s last words are more befitting than intended. pdf format

Writing Challenge theme of "Money is the Root of All Evil" using: Historical, Gavel, Reporter, Park.

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I liked the idea but it felt a little forced and expositional...which is tough to avoid in a 5 page historical story you only have a few days to write and research. The ending is obviously the most important part and good visual with blood splattered on reporter's paper.

So just okay for me but this was a tough one.

Hey...What's up with that font?

Very well done. No complaints. Historically accurate (wounded arm I read,? but one-armed (bandit) adds to the visuals).

Nice the way you wrote the ending, not gratuitous. The speckled blood was a good filmic choice. Sometimes less is more. A nice blend of humour and good characterisation with Tom too.

Nicely done. Very well written. I love how you include a  smooth transition shot in the action (gavel to hammer)  without mentioning the camera at all. That folks, is how a writer suggests a camera shot without specifying it at all!

A good story. Sounded authentic and I liked the ending. If I was being nitpicky, I'd argue this didn't show that money is the root of all evil clearly as Tom wasn't bothered by the hanging one bit, and he had the last laugh, so to speak. Maybe if he shows a touch of remorse, regret or fear towards the end it might help.

Actually, I like Tom's bravado - so if you do, make sure it is a solo scene and then we know he's putting on an act in front of others.

Excellent job there, writer. You managed all that in about 4 days? Wow!

-Mark

Well, another story and characters I really liked.

And I looked up Tom Ketchum - yep, he existed and been hanged for the train robbery.
Tough subject really and you managed it well.
Gavel has got to go in the future rewrite of this, but that's okay. Tough tough criteria you chose.
And it's very much on the topic too.
I really like Tom. and the reporter writes well.
You did very well, writer, wow.

Good job at making use of the items needed. It could be tricky in a historical setting. According to other comments this is based on actual events and historically accurate so another plus there. Also the climactic ending description was quite colorful.

This historical recreation was well written, and I got a real sense of Tom’s character. The only thing that needs clarification is what exactly they got from Chicago. The plans for the gallows or the gallows itself? Aside from that nitpick, this was a damn good script.

Hey writer,

Very good job. Very well written. Outside of chronicling the hanging of an actual historical figure, you added the elements of the reporter (I liked their banter), and the visual of the body standing without a head was pretty cool.

And I hate to be a broken record, but this is nowhere near being about money is the root of all evil, which is the only blemish.

AJR

Nicely written, engaging characters though the second use of the gavel felt shoe-horned in to me.

Dialogue felt right too, difficult in a historical or western setting so good job there.

The ending didn't work for me though unfortunately, didn't buy that you can be decapitated when hung... you probably can though... just didn't fit imho

Good script though

Quoted from AnthonyCawood The ending didn't work for me though unfortunately, didn't buy that you can be decapitated when hung... you probably can though...

I try not to comment on comments but... It's actually a historically accurate account. His weight was underestimated and he'd put on a few pounds while incarcerated. Fascinating and macabre story.

And no, I didn't write this.

Hi Writer,

Quoted Text BLACK SCREEN The hammering of a Judge's gavel ---

I think it would look more professional if you just keep it to an em dash --, it also serves the purpose.

Damn that took a turn.

Struggled to find the theme in this one, but...

Surprisingly, I very much enjoyed that. Great writing, great dialogue, just a well constructed script. Definitely a contender me thinks.

Congrats.

All the best.

Ha! I know the story of Tom Ketchum pretty well and was laughing when I saw his name early.  After reading this I realised that historical was actuary a pretty good genre as you could visit any event in history and add the variables to it - I had overlooked that when Blondie announced the genres.

A little side note - on the morning of his execution, Tom was keen to be free of this world, and he was hurrying to the gallows eagerly. Also part of the reason for the decapitation was that instead of rope, they used cord so it was a bungle waiting to happen. There is a photo on the Net of Tom's headless body under the drop with some dudes posing with it lol.  Anthony, I'm surprised you didn't think the head coming off could happen - it happened to one of Saddam's sons, and was quite frequent after WW2 when minor Nazis were executed in huge numbers by inexperienced hangman.

Anyway a cool little story that the writer did well with

A historical western! Let's see where this goes...Nicely done. I like that the actual hanging wasn't shown but described by the reporter instead. Very impactful and would show the horror of the crowd and their reactions.

Money was referred to during the interview but could have been a lot more of a focus? I think the gavel in the beginning would have been enough. Knocking the pin with the gavel seemed forced.

Nailed the historical aspect too. Good job, writer. One of my favorites.

I enjoyed that.

The ingredients all seem to well handed within this, nothing seemed forced.

I liked the transition from gavel to hammer, but it could be clearer.

Also, the opening, I think this could just have been filmed rather than VO, but both work.

Really tidy job

Hi, history, western, true story. Love myself a bit of history and a real life tale too. Good imagery and not too gory, kudos for that considering the grim nature of the hanging.
Dialogue seemed a bit forced in some places but otherwise a great piece.
Well done.