Highway To Havoc by Billie Harris - Short, Thriller - While driving home, a woman calls and hears her babysitter being murdered by a serial killer.  She telephones her four-year-old son, tells him where to hide and stays on the line with him while also calling authorities.  The killer now seeks the one witness to the crime – her son – and seized with panic, she floorboards the gas pedal, only to have the car slow…and come to a standstill. 13 pages

Production 12 Pages. Two actors. One location - inside/outside a car on a lonely highway. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Billie, this is a successful thriller script that is based on every parent's worst nightmare--being away from home while a child is in danger. I loved how the speedometer and the tension rose in tandem. Tiffany is a smart and capable main character.

You might want to think about the phone conversation that Tiffany has with the killer starting on page 6. It feels a little long to me, especially when he speculates on dominance and power. It might be more disturbing if he said less. A simple, "Where's your son?" might do it. Something to think about, at least.

I also feel the same way about Tiffany's phone conversation with her son when the house is on fire. Shorter, more direct instructions might be preferable. Unlock the door. Crawl to the ladder. Open the window. Get out now.

On page 6 we hear a popping sound. Later we find out that it was knuckle cracking. I suggest making it clear on page 6 that we are hearing knuckle cracking. The first time I read it, I thought we were actually hearing fireworks. You wouldn't want the readers/audience to miss that important clue.

I don't know much about martial arts, but I think the term sticks might be more common than poles, but I could be wrong. Sick fighting is something that I have heard of.

A few small items. Should there be a question mark after Ms. Holder on page 6. Ms. Holder? there is also a spacing issue on page six after the sentence "She listens a moment." Finally, the punctuation seems slightly off somehow on the last lines on the first page.

Cool script overall. Best of luck with it.

It's a very quick read.
One suggestion though, if Tiffany was 2 hours from home, how did she meet the killer so quickly? You may want to change the time.
Nothing else from me. I really enjoyed the read.
Cindy.

Thanks, Rob and Cindy.  I appreciate your taking time to read the script and for making comments.  I'll definitely consider the changes.  Both make sense and I think will help improve the script.  

Hey Billie,

You give away too much of the story with your Logline imho.

While driving home, a woman calls and hears her babysitter being murdered by a serial killer.  She telephones her four-year-old son, tells him where to hide and stays on the line with him while also calling authorities.  The killer now seeks the one witness to the crime – her son – and seized with panic, she floorboards the gas pedal, only to have the car slow…and come to a standstill

You tell a lot of the plot to follow, where I think you should tease it more - perhaps leave it at the first sentence.
Btw, flooring as a verb and floorboards - two different things.

The elusive  man  known  as  the  Country Rapist/Killer
Needs a catchier moniker imho.

Meter Reader Rapist / Meter Reader Killer – there was one apparently for real.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/meter-reader-rapist-warning-issued-1.214279

You  women  who  remote  areas are  cautioned  to  always  keep  your doors  locked.  
And  don’t  answer  them if  you’re  not  sure  about  the workman...
Suggestion: Women in remote areas are cautioned to keep their doors locked, and not answer the door to any strangers.

TIFFANY Mrs.  Hayden,  we  don’t  have...

The ellipses in your Example (above) is not a trailing off of thought because -

MRS.  HAYDEN  (V.O.)
He’s  at  the  front  door  now.  Hold  on just  a  minute.
Mrs Hayden interrupts her thought /speaking – meaning a dash or  emdash should be inserted instead.

FYI: Similarly an abrupt stop in dialogue, broken with a dash can be caused by an action - a slammed door, crack of thunder etc.

Matsumoto  Road.  The street is the same as her surname?

My son's in the house
Suggestion: Say how old Robbie is here e.g. my six year old son's in the house.

TIFFANY
Mrs.  Hayden’s  been  attacked.  I’m sure  it’s  by  the  Country  Killer.
You could delete 'by' there.

TIFFANY
Whisper,  darling.  Daddy  should  be there  in  just  a  few  minutes.

A few minutes? Is this just to console him?
He'd not on the plane yet.

I agree with Rob about the firecracker pop.
I was a bit puzzled what was going on there.

more  loud  each  time.
Louder each time

but  guess  we  don’t always  get  what  we  want,  do  we?
I guess

You  rape  her,  too?
raped.

But how does she know this?  
Shouldn't she instead ask if she's okay/alive?
Maybe ask: What did you do to her?

why  a  seventy year  old  woman?
Why pick on...?

I was wondering why this Killer targeted Tiffany specifically? I suppose because she's a worthy opponent?

Maybe  we can  discuss  it  over  a  glass  of chardonnay  for  a  few  minutes sometime.
Delete the few minutes imh.

Now  turn  the  handle  of  the  window. After  you’ve  opened  it,  climb  out.
Suggestion: Now, turn the handle and climb out.

She  presses  down  on  the  gas.
She floors the accelerator, or she hits the gas.

LATER, she  stumbles  to  the  driver’s  side  of  her  car  just as...  
A  van  comes  from  the  opposite  direction,  slows,  stops.
You need a proper slugline here. And maybe a better time transition.

KILLER
Sadism,  rape  and  murder.  I  get  my thrills  from  torture.  
The  old  woman was  the  exception.
I'd personally ditch the first bit or tweak this a bit.
I made an exception with the old lady, perhaps?

I was slightly disappointed when the Killer turns up on the side of the road and they battled it out.
It was a bit convenient and he must have been stalking her for quite some time when his usual MO is surprise attack and crime of opportunity.

I did enjoy this! The strong premise is what attracted me to the story.
A mother speeding to save her son and her car breaks down. Now, that's a story witn big stakes. I wanted to see how she got to him and a showdown (given her talents,) when she finally got there. A bigger, longer story I suppose.

Welcome to SS, Billie!
Great to see you reviewing other scripts.
I hope you'll stick around.

P.S. A couple of links for you.

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-cc/m-1124159895/

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/