On The Edge by Steven Sallie - Short, Drama - Two men, each struggling with problems in their lives, run into each other on a rooftop. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Steven, this was great!
I loved this funny line:

SEAN
You can go if you want.

ERIC
No, no. You were here first. I
couldn't.

Great choice with Eric validating Sean's feelings. That was a nice poignant moment. Sometimes people just want to be heard.

I'm not even sure you need this line:
SEAN
What are we doing up here?

Just skip to the offer of pizza imho.

Not sure you need this line either:

SEAN
...Anything’s better
than this.

I think the visual reactions would suffice.

Nitpick: Ether / aether. I'd go with the less archaic spelling.

I'd call this Drama/Dark humour, even though it's serious subject matter.

I've known too many people who took that step and in that split second I'm sure they wished they hadn't.

I really hope this gets picked up.

I enjoyed this one.

A breeze to read.

Both Sean and Eric's problems are a little generic for suicide, but I guess that's part of the comedy. I would be dead long ago based on their rationale.

One of the big advantages of producing this one would be its ultra-low budget. You could even do it yourself - Jus need two willing actors for Sean and Eric.

Just an idea re the ending - Could they be on the ledge, hand in hand, ready and willing to jump - then spot a pizza parlour? Perhaps that wonderful pizza smell could drift up reminding them just how damn good pizza tastes. How damn good life can be -- when eating pizza.

Anyway, good stuff - would like to see this one play out on screen.

I enjoyed this too, but there's not a lot of conflict. I feel like it's missing a little bit more *oomph*.

You could do a lot with this. Play around with it some more and see where you end up. One of my old writing teachers told me that when I'm coming up with ideas, ignore the first five or six because the 7th idea is so far out that it could be the one that works.

An enjoyable entertaining story/read. Solid premise and world - has great potential! All the best.