How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests
Pages: 1
Author
Dinner With the Family (currently 320 views)
Don
Posted: January 22nd, 2023, 11:59am
Administrator Administrator
So, what are you writing?
Location Virginia
Posts 16561
Posts Per Day 1.92
Dinner With the Family by J.T. Grogan - Short, Horror - A timid man encounters a mysterious stranger, and is forced to make a life-altering decision when the stranger's sinister intentions are revealed. 8 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site. ------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
Pleb
Posted: January 29th, 2023, 6:21am
Location UK
Posts 433
Posts Per Day 0.14
Hey J.T., That was bleak. Maybe too bleak. Might be a good idea to offer some hope of rescue say, even if only for it to be snatched away. Yeah, the outcome would still be horrible but at least it changes the tone temporarily as right now it just goes in one direction. Which is down. And sure, there’s a glimmer of hope for the girl, but as she doesn’t come in until the end I found it hard to care for a character who felt more like a plot device, plus I wouldn’t exactly trust the Stranger anyways. Decent writing though! Good luck with it. Cheers Max
Logged
Reply: 1 - 3
JT_Grogan
Posted: January 30th, 2023, 10:46pm
Max, thank you very much for the helpful feedback. You're right in that the story may be too dark. Some kind of silver lining might be useful. Thanks for reading! Cheers.
Reply: 2 - 3
Pleb
Posted: January 31st, 2023, 5:11pm
Location UK
Posts 433
Posts Per Day 0.14
Hey J.T., You're welcome. The writing is decent so it was an easy read... well, easy to make sense of but very dark haha It's a tricky one. If I was you I'd be inclined keep it much as it is, but just tease the audience with the chance of escape if that makes sense? Cheers Max
Logged
Reply: 3 - 3
Pages: 1
Locked Board
Board Index Short Horror [ previous | next ]
Switch to:
News Questions or Comments Site Redesign Screenwriting Class Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort Review My Logline Script Review Exchange My Work In Progress Contests - Screenwriting and Filmmaking Writing Opportunities and Call for Scripts The 2020 Writers' Tournament The 2019 Writers' Tournament The 2018 Writers' Tournament The January Project '21 The Business Of Scripts Queries and Pitches Options and Contracts Agents, Managers, and Lawyers Copyright Action/Adventure Scripts Comedy Scripts Drama Scripts Dramedy Scripts Family Scripts Horror Scripts Romantic Comedy Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts Series Thriller Scripts Western Scripts Short Scripts Short Action / Adventure Scripts Short Comedy Scripts Short Drama Scripts Short Dramedy Scripts Short Horror Short Romantic Comedy Scripts Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts Short Family Scripts Short Thriller Scripts Short Western Radio and Stage Plays 3Q '24 OWC 2Q '24 OWC 1Q '24 OWC Halloween 2023 One Week Challenge September '23 OWC August '23 OWC July 2023 OwC April '23 OWC A 'Quickie' Challenge Halloween 2022 One Week Challenge Summer Quickie April 2022 OWC One Queue Twenty-Two The Placeholder 2021 Challenge December 2021 One Week Challenge November, 2021 OWC The Halloween 2021 One Week Challenge The September 2021 OWC The August 2021 OWC The July, 2021 OWC The June 2021 Challenge The May 2021 Challenge The April 2021 Challenge February, 2021 One Week Challenge December 2020 One Week Challenge Halloween 2020 One Week Challenge September, 2020 One Week Challenge June, 2020 One Week Challenge May, 2020 Challenge March Challenge January 2020 - One Week Challenge October, 2019 One Week Challenge The August Challenge April, 2019 One Week Challenge January 2019 - One Week Challenge The Night Gallery 7 Week Challenge October 2018 One Week Challenge July 2018 One Week Challenge May 2018 One Week Challenge January 2018 Two Week Challenge October 2017 One Week Challenge The Quickie Challenge July 2017 OWC April 2017 OWC Scarefest Script Club January 2017 One Week Challenge October 2K16 One Week Challenge August 2016 One Week Challenge April 2016 OWC January 2016 OWC October 2015 One Week Challenge 2015 7 Week Challenge May, 2015 One Week Challenge February 2015 One Week Challenge October 2014 One Week Challenge 2014 One + 6 Week Challenge April 2014 One Week Challange January 2014 - One Week Challenge October 2013 One Week Challenge July 2013 One Week Challenge March, 2013 1+6WC End of the World One Week Challenge October 2012 One Week Challenge February 2012 OWC December, 2011 Urban Legend OWC October, 2011 One Week Challange September 2011 One Week Challenge June 2011 One Week Challenge February 2011 One Week Challenge October, 2010 One Week Challenge May 2010 One Week Challenge February, 2010 One Week Challenge October, 2009 One Week Challenge August 2009 One Week Challenge April, 2009 One Week Challenge January, 2009 Two Week Challenge October, 2008 One Week Challenge July 08 One Week Challenge February, 2008 One Week Challenge October '07 One Week Challenge Short Sci Fi - January 07 One Week Challenge July/August 2007 One Week Challenge Short Comedy - April '07 One Week Challenge Short Horror - October 06 One Week Challenge Movie, Television and DVD Reviews Script Reviews Music Reviews and Discussion General Chat Movie/Television Rumor Books Poetry Getting to know you, getting to know all about you... Things you are looking for March Madness 2018 Stephen King - All about the King Fiction– There Are Other Worlds than These Non-Fiction - To Write is Human, to Edit is Divine Adaptations – Here’s Johnny! Stephen King Collectors and Shelfies
Forum Rules
You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post polls You may not post attachments
HTML is on Blah Code is on Smilies are on