The Bunker by James Austin McCormick - Horror - A group of national guard take shelter from a supernatural presence in an old military bunker but find the biggest danger is from each other. 80 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thank you for posting this Don

Regarding this script, any feedback/ideas from anyone on how I can reduce the budget and limit locations would be much appreciated- my plan was to write a shoe string feature but I didn't quite succeed.

Hi James, I read up to page 30.

I was a bit perplexed by this dialogue in your opening.
BIX
(Slurring)
Okay Albus, what we are we going to
catch ourselves from rabbit or
what?

On a technical side:
Take out all your CUT TOs - they're not needed and they just take up space. The only reason I'd use one is if for example your location changed drastically like if we were in a jungle in Africa and transitioned to a beach in Hawaii.

Be careful with overuse of parentheticals and how you're  formatting them:

I (A beat) saw something too.
(beat) should be on a separate line and centred.

STEIN
(Snapping himself out of
it)
Yeah. (To the others) Check it out.

                     STEIN
     (snapping himself out of it)
                    Yeah.
            (to the others)
             Check it out.

You don't really need the amount of parentheticals you're using. Trust that your dialogue alone will work. Things like: (Resentful, embarrassed)(Deadpan sarcasm), you're spoon feeding your audience too much. I'd suggest you describe an action through the character instead.

You can also remove your Character CONT'Ds in your software for a more streamlined read.

So far you look to be sticking to minimal budget. You have two locations - the Forest and the Bunker, unless that changes.

Story wise I'm a bit in the dark how this motley crew came together with Stein who is National Guard. ?

I'll read on. At the moment this seems a bit like Trilogy of Terror (a classic, which I loved) except moved to the outdoors.

Thank you for your comments LC- all points noted, especially about the parentheticals.
I just read something recently about CON'T no longer being used all that much so I'll sort that too.
Appreciate you taking the time to read- thanks again - it's a second draft and still lots of work to be done