Red Card Ransom by Simon Parker - Short, Drama, Thriller - Andrew Smith is a world famous football player. Waking up inside a locked room with only an outdated phone in his back pocket, it's a race against time to escape. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Simon, I gave this a read cause I wanted to see what you did with the premise. Man or woman (but usually man) wakes up in a locked room is a familiar trope and has been used umpteen times.

Despite all the exposition you kept me on the edge of my seat and you built the suspense well. This is a talent for sure, but then... nothing happens, no clear resolution, no satisfying denouement - not even the walls closing in further so he is squeezed to death.

Andrew's mind races. He thinks of his teammates, his manager,
anyone who might help him. But fifteen million pounds? It's
an impossible sum.
Is this done in a thought bubble? You need to think of a way to convey this. We can't read his mind.

Nailing an ending that is a crowd-pleaser is essential for this type of set-up so you need to come up with something.

I always think it's a shame you don't join the discussion group, considering how prolific you are, but I'm going to trust you at least read feedback.

P.S. Way too many wrylies. Trust that your dialogue will do the job, (but don't give us too much) trust your reader will get it without spoon-feeding.

P.P.S. Why the cops don't believe him had me scratching my head.